I forgot to mention that today was my first appointment in over 6 months with my Radiation Oncologist, aka "The Zapper". They called me with the appointment about a month ago, so I kind of forgot about it, too. I was told that there would be four appointments before the first actual treatment, so I knew this would be more of a "meet and greet" session.
When we got there, I was reminded how much of a tedious process this is going to be. At this hospital, patients normally have to register every time they arrive. However, for radiation patients, you just register once at the beginning of each month. Luckily, the treatments are at a different campus of the hospital, which is approximately an 8 minute drive from my house (as opposed to the 10-12 minute drive to the other campus!). More importantly, it's directly on my way home from work. This is very convenient, since I'll need to be there 5 days a week for 6 and a half weeks.
So, anyway, we meet with The Zapper and she is very happy to see that I look a LOT better than she expected. She'd heard about an infection and more antibiotics (without realizing it was C-Diff, I believe)and was afraid that there would be infection at the expander site (but there is not). She also said she was impressed at how high I could lift my arms. We were SO happy to hear her say that. I want to make sure that I'm recovering well, and sometimes it's hard to get that kind of feedback.
One thing we weren't quite prepared for - she wants me to start right away. I didn't realize this, but they like to start radiation about 4 weeks after surgery. Well, this coming Wednesday is 3 weeks. Also, radiation involves "prep work" (which I'll describe later), and my body shape cannot drastically change in this time. This means that once the prep is done, we can no longer inflate the tissue expanders. Guess when she wanted to start prep work? Today! Those 4 preliminary appointments I talked about? Baloney. Or bologna.
I am very surprised that this is happening so soon, and I really wish we could have gotten that last fill in next week. When we talked to the plastic surgeon at our last appointment, we really thought we would be able to get at least one more fill in by the time radiation started. But what could I do? Obviously, the treatment is the most important thing we have to worry about.
Unfortunately, I'll be stuck with these small, unbalanced boobs for a few months. The worst part? I can't go shopping!!! Really, I can't justify buying clothes that I know aren't going to fit properly in another few months. On the other hand, I'll be happy to be done with treatment. Also, my incisions will have more time to heal before we start going to crazy with the inflation. And let's face it - anything worth doing is worth overdoing, so I've got a ways to go :-)
So, onto the prep work. Radiation is a very targeted, high-energy beam that is directed at certain areas where cancer is likely to fester or recur. This includes the lymph node area, mammary glands, the chest wall, etc. Just like chemo, it kills both healthy cells and cancer cells, so it's important to make sure it's pinpointed to the right area.
Today they did a CAT scan of my chest to view my anatomy to determine where the beams may be directed and where they could possibly hit organs or other good tissue that we want to avoid. It was pretty interesting - The Zapper spoke about how some patients have "perfect" anatomy, and some have not-so-desirable anatomy. So, if the heart is too close to the breast tissue, for example, it makes positioning the beam very difficult.
I had to lie with my arms above my head for about 30-40 minutes, so it's really good that my range of motion is restored. It strained a bit, but I wasn't terribly uncomfortable. The techs were very careful about positioning my body just so. They made small markings all over my body for the scan, and then after the calculations were done I got tattooed. Oh yes, you read that right. I was hoping for a big read heart that said "MOM", but instead they are tiny dots that are no bigger than the period at the end of a sentence. :-( First, it was the polka dots not covering my incisions, and now this. I never get my way.
Anyway, the tattoos are where the beam is going to enter my body, so they are a little more appropriate. I think there are four of them.
My next appointment is the "dry run" appointment, where they'll go over the kinds of things I'll need to manage side effects, and position my body for the treatment without actually administering treatment. That happens not on this Friday, but next Friday. Then, the following Tuesday is my first treatment.
And now for the beer countdown... 1 more day to go! I've fielded lots of questions about what my first beer is going to be. I joked with my dad that if this was him, it would be easy - a Miller Lite! But for a true beer connoisseur (sorry, Dad), how will I know today what beer I want tomorrow? I pretty much know that it will be one of two beers, but I just don't know which one at this point. You'll just have to read tomorrow to find out.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Homegrown
Friday was my first tissue expander fill at the plastic surgeon's office. Remember how I wondered how he would know where to inject the saline? It was the weirdest thing!!!
He pulled out this contraption about the size of a film canister. It was plastic and tube-like with a magnet in the center. He placed it on my skin toward the top of the expander, and it moved toward the direction of the port! It was pretty cool-looking. I remember when he showed us the tissue expander, it had a circle at the top of it with a gel-like plastic piece covering a metal disc. That metal disc is what the magnet was targeting.
He marked an "X" over each port with a black Sharpie. He cleaned the area with iodine and the nurse brought out a bag of saline, a syringe, and a needle all attached together. He poked the needle through my skin and through the port. He wasn't sure if I would feel it (I did!). It stung a little. But when he broke through the port, that kind of hurt a bit. Think of someone popping through a thick membrane under your skin. Ouch! They wanted me to tell them when I felt pressure, which is a signal for them to stop. This resulted in having 50 cc's injected on my right side, and 35 cc's on the left side. It's okay for them to be a little out of balance at this stage (he inflated them differently during surgery, too). After that, I got two little band-aids to cover the needle site and that was it.
I felt a little bit of pressure and tightness immediately. Over the next couple of days, there was some muscle pain in my chest and in my back. I think the back muscles feel tension because my shoulders sometimes roll forward or up unnaturally. Already, though, I feel mostly like I did on Thursday. That is, I kind of felt worse on Friday and Saturday, but it's feeling better now. It felt a little bit like a "setback", but I know that expanding the tissue will eventually be a step forward.
It's amazing what we women do to look beuatiful ;-)
Today Rusty and I did something we haven't done in a LONG TIME. Don't be gross. We brewed beer! Remember my post a week or so ago about how Rusty harvested our hops? Well, I was really itching to do something that felt "normal" and we wanted to start using those hops as soon as possible, so we made a yummy IPA with LOTS of homegrown hops. It's been so long, we almost forgot how to do it. Rusty took some pictures. He thinks if you put in enough pictures you barely have to write anything.
Here's a picture of me grinding the grain. This is the first time we've been able to use this grinder that we bought many months ago:
And here's the beer!
It should be ready to drink in about 4 weeks. Two weeks in the fermenter, 2 weeks in the bottle. If I know us, we'll try it at 3 weeks, but it probably won't be carbonated enough. That's never stopped us from trying, though.
So, it clearly won't be ready to be my first beer in three weeks. WHICH IS IN 2 DAYS! Oh, I can't wait.
He pulled out this contraption about the size of a film canister. It was plastic and tube-like with a magnet in the center. He placed it on my skin toward the top of the expander, and it moved toward the direction of the port! It was pretty cool-looking. I remember when he showed us the tissue expander, it had a circle at the top of it with a gel-like plastic piece covering a metal disc. That metal disc is what the magnet was targeting.
He marked an "X" over each port with a black Sharpie. He cleaned the area with iodine and the nurse brought out a bag of saline, a syringe, and a needle all attached together. He poked the needle through my skin and through the port. He wasn't sure if I would feel it (I did!). It stung a little. But when he broke through the port, that kind of hurt a bit. Think of someone popping through a thick membrane under your skin. Ouch! They wanted me to tell them when I felt pressure, which is a signal for them to stop. This resulted in having 50 cc's injected on my right side, and 35 cc's on the left side. It's okay for them to be a little out of balance at this stage (he inflated them differently during surgery, too). After that, I got two little band-aids to cover the needle site and that was it.
I felt a little bit of pressure and tightness immediately. Over the next couple of days, there was some muscle pain in my chest and in my back. I think the back muscles feel tension because my shoulders sometimes roll forward or up unnaturally. Already, though, I feel mostly like I did on Thursday. That is, I kind of felt worse on Friday and Saturday, but it's feeling better now. It felt a little bit like a "setback", but I know that expanding the tissue will eventually be a step forward.
It's amazing what we women do to look beuatiful ;-)
Today Rusty and I did something we haven't done in a LONG TIME. Don't be gross. We brewed beer! Remember my post a week or so ago about how Rusty harvested our hops? Well, I was really itching to do something that felt "normal" and we wanted to start using those hops as soon as possible, so we made a yummy IPA with LOTS of homegrown hops. It's been so long, we almost forgot how to do it. Rusty took some pictures. He thinks if you put in enough pictures you barely have to write anything.
Here's a picture of me grinding the grain. This is the first time we've been able to use this grinder that we bought many months ago:
And here's the beer!
It should be ready to drink in about 4 weeks. Two weeks in the fermenter, 2 weeks in the bottle. If I know us, we'll try it at 3 weeks, but it probably won't be carbonated enough. That's never stopped us from trying, though.
So, it clearly won't be ready to be my first beer in three weeks. WHICH IS IN 2 DAYS! Oh, I can't wait.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Getting Better All the Time
I know it's been awhile since I've written. Every day continues to be my "best day" yet. On Tuesday, I had the last of the drains pulled (yay!). Now that I've got that "off my chest" (ha ha), let me tell you a bit about the drains.
After surgery, there is a buildup of fluid at the site. This is a normal part of the healing process, but if it were left unchecked the swelling would be pretty unmanageable. It is standard practice with mastectomy patients to put at least one drain in the breast area. It's a flexible tube about 3/8" wide (kind of like the airline hose for fish tanks) that goes roughly toward the center of the chest, following the shape of the breast (in my case, outlining the tissue expander), then out a hole in my side. This tube is connected to a clear rubber bulb that kind of resembles a hand grenade. The bulb is compressed to provide suction that helps the fluid drain out of the body and into the bulb.
At least twice a day, or when the bulb is about half full, we had to empty the bulb and record the volume of the fluid, being careful not to keep it exposed to air for too long. When the volume of fluid draining from the site got down to 20-30 ml per day, it was ready to come out. The drains can also be a source of infection, so my plastic surgeon said that after 2 weeks, if they weren't draining less than 20-30 ml per day, they were coming out anyway. Then, if there continued to be excess fluid buildup in the area, he would have to remove it with a needle. I read about this one woman who had a drain in for 12 weeks. By the time it was "ready" she needed general anesthesia to get it out. I also read about a woman whose drains collected 60 ml of fluid per day for 3 weeks, until finally her doctor took them out anyway (to prevent infection). She was fine, and didn't experience any swelling.
So, by Tuesday, my last drain was producing about 28 ml of fluid, and it had been slowly declining (from about 33 ml on Friday). I was convinced that if they just took the darn thing out, everything would be fine. And it has been. I was so happy when that thing was gone. I had to pin them to the top of my pants or my shirt, so it was pretty unsightly. I didn't want to go outside with them because they're gross, so I mainly confined myself to the house except for doctor's appointments. When the drain was gone on Tuesday, I went for a long walk with my coworker who came to visit and then Rusty and I went out to dinner that night. I felt like a new woman!
Since then, I've started to move around a bit more. I drove a little bit on Wednesday with my mom. It wasn't bad. I definitely felt safe, but my muscles hurt when I had to turn the wheel while the car was moving very slowly (like when you do a three point turn, or back out of a car space). I also did a little yoga yesterday! I have a DVD that is designed specifically for mastectomy patients. The poses are nothing like what I used to be able to do, all of them are restorative poses, but they really provided a lot of stretching to the arm area. It felt good and I can already notice the difference in my muscles and range of motion.
Today I go for my first post-surgery expander fill! I'm a little nervous. It is probably going to hurt a bit - they told me to take Tylenol before I get to the office and then I can move to the "hard stuff" if I have to. I'm also curious to see how the doctor knows where the port is to insert the needle, and if they'll numb the area first.
I continue to anxiously await my first beer. I can't have one until my antibiotics are gone, and I take my last dose around 2 PM on Monday and I'll get to have my first beer on Tuesday. So, I guess that makes it 4 more days. I swear I don't have a problem, I just LOVE beer :-)
After surgery, there is a buildup of fluid at the site. This is a normal part of the healing process, but if it were left unchecked the swelling would be pretty unmanageable. It is standard practice with mastectomy patients to put at least one drain in the breast area. It's a flexible tube about 3/8" wide (kind of like the airline hose for fish tanks) that goes roughly toward the center of the chest, following the shape of the breast (in my case, outlining the tissue expander), then out a hole in my side. This tube is connected to a clear rubber bulb that kind of resembles a hand grenade. The bulb is compressed to provide suction that helps the fluid drain out of the body and into the bulb.
At least twice a day, or when the bulb is about half full, we had to empty the bulb and record the volume of the fluid, being careful not to keep it exposed to air for too long. When the volume of fluid draining from the site got down to 20-30 ml per day, it was ready to come out. The drains can also be a source of infection, so my plastic surgeon said that after 2 weeks, if they weren't draining less than 20-30 ml per day, they were coming out anyway. Then, if there continued to be excess fluid buildup in the area, he would have to remove it with a needle. I read about this one woman who had a drain in for 12 weeks. By the time it was "ready" she needed general anesthesia to get it out. I also read about a woman whose drains collected 60 ml of fluid per day for 3 weeks, until finally her doctor took them out anyway (to prevent infection). She was fine, and didn't experience any swelling.
So, by Tuesday, my last drain was producing about 28 ml of fluid, and it had been slowly declining (from about 33 ml on Friday). I was convinced that if they just took the darn thing out, everything would be fine. And it has been. I was so happy when that thing was gone. I had to pin them to the top of my pants or my shirt, so it was pretty unsightly. I didn't want to go outside with them because they're gross, so I mainly confined myself to the house except for doctor's appointments. When the drain was gone on Tuesday, I went for a long walk with my coworker who came to visit and then Rusty and I went out to dinner that night. I felt like a new woman!
Since then, I've started to move around a bit more. I drove a little bit on Wednesday with my mom. It wasn't bad. I definitely felt safe, but my muscles hurt when I had to turn the wheel while the car was moving very slowly (like when you do a three point turn, or back out of a car space). I also did a little yoga yesterday! I have a DVD that is designed specifically for mastectomy patients. The poses are nothing like what I used to be able to do, all of them are restorative poses, but they really provided a lot of stretching to the arm area. It felt good and I can already notice the difference in my muscles and range of motion.
Today I go for my first post-surgery expander fill! I'm a little nervous. It is probably going to hurt a bit - they told me to take Tylenol before I get to the office and then I can move to the "hard stuff" if I have to. I'm also curious to see how the doctor knows where the port is to insert the needle, and if they'll numb the area first.
I continue to anxiously await my first beer. I can't have one until my antibiotics are gone, and I take my last dose around 2 PM on Monday and I'll get to have my first beer on Tuesday. So, I guess that makes it 4 more days. I swear I don't have a problem, I just LOVE beer :-)
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Hi!
I couldn't think of a good subject for today's post, because I don't really have a theme or a story to relay. Usually, when I send an e-mail to a friend with no purpose, I use a subject of "Hi!" so I figured that would be appropriate.
So much has happened in the last week and a half, and there were several times that I thought something would be really funny to write in the blog, but I was in no mood to be in front of a laptop. I finally feel like things are getting back to normal (as normal as things can be with two tubes and grenade-shaped pouches coming out of my sides). I thought today would be a good day to share some random tidbits from the last couple of weeks.
~ My Boob Casts ~
A couple of weeks ago, remember how I relayed my idea for how to "remember" my boobs? Well, I did it! Rusty and I made two casts of my upper torso area. Some may think that this is weird (and you're welcome to have that opinion), but once the idea was in my head I would never forgive myself if I didn't do this.
When I was in high school, one of the art projects I completed in my senior year art class was a mask. It used basically the exact same procedure and materials as my boob cast, so I was pretty sure it would work well. I did a little googling to refresh my memory, and I found that this is actually a somewhat common project for expectant mothers (except they cast their whole belly, obviously). As neat as that sounds, let's just say I'm not planning to make a cast of my tummy any time soon ;-)
Anyway, Rusty and I began our little art project in the kitchen by placing an old vinyl shower curtain on the floor (it can be a bit messy!). I then put a good slap of Crisco over my skin to prevent the plaster from sticking (imagine pulling dried plaster off your nipples - ouch!). Previously, I purchased a 20 lb. box of gauze strips coated in Plaster of Paris (I can probably make a DOZEN extra casts out of this box). The basic idea is to dip the strips in warm water and place them on the "subject" criss-crossing in multiple layers. After about 30 minutes from the time the first strip is placed, the cast pulls away from the skin and is ready to be removed. Over the next week, it cures, and I will probably coat it with some kind of lacquer and decorate it at some point.
Here is the result:
I hope this doesn't bother you (but it doesn't bother me). Besides, it's not like you're looking at my boobs. Right now I have no boobs. ;-)
~ My Husband ~
Not that I didn't expect this... but throughout this whole wild ride, Rusty has been a true gem. He has worn many hats - cook, cheerleader, chauffeur, personal assistant, blogger, maid, gardener, and nagger (when it's time to eat and I have no appetite), just to name a few. He has had to do virtually everything for me thus far, and he doesn't complain. More importantly, he also is very good at doing all of these things - he doesn't get grossed out when it's time to empty the drains or change the dressings. He also doesn't flinch when we look at my incisions to make sure they're healing properly.
One thing that's kind of cute is he gets mad when my eating schedule gets messed up, so he tries to reserve the right to refuse when people come over, lest they hang around past meal time.
As I'm writing about him, I keep coming up with things he does that should fall under other headings. I could write this entire blog post about all the things he's done, but I guess the best way to do this is just to write about him everywhere :-) He really is a total sweetheart.
~ My Garden ~
One thing I really regret about being in recovery at this particular moment is that my garden is currently exploding with tomatoes and peppers. Normally, this would probably be the weekend when I make "Grandpa's Salsa". It's an all-day affair where I would harvest all of the ripe tomatoes and peppers, chopping about a gallon (YES, a gallon) of tomatoes and about 4-6 cups of hot peppers and make this yummy delicious salsa that gets canned and processed and stored in my basement so I can enjoy the garden all year 'round. My friend Sarah gave me this recipe a few years back. It's her grandfather's salsa and it's the best I've ever had.
Anyway, unfortunately, this isn't going to happen this year. BUT, instead of letting the tomatoes rot on the vine, Rusty has been diligently going outside daily to harvest them. BTW, when I'm ready for visitors again, if you see a bowlful of tomatoes and peppers and you want them, PLEASE TAKE SOME! Here is what Rusty harvested over the last couple of days:
We also happen to have an explosion of hops. Taking care of these is a very tedious process (I should know, last year Rusty was away and I had to do this by myself!). The hops need to be trimmed from the vine (they kind of grow like grapes, I guess, but you can't trim them off in bunches) and then slowly dried in the oven. Rusty took care of one of the plants yesterday, and then did the other three today. Here is a pile of un-dried hops:
And here they are after they've been dried and bagged:
I simply cannot wait until we're ready to brew again. Hell, I'd settle for just drinking beer at this point... ;-)
~ My Poopy Problems ~
Anyone who works with me will probably laugh at that heading. I used to have the reputation of being totally intolerant of potty humor (maybe this comes from marrying a man who lived in a fraternity throughout college - I think I heard a lifetime's worth of potty humor in about 4 years). Well, when you encounter everything I have over the last 5 months, you learn really quickly that it does you no good to be embarrassed about the body. You meet countless doctors that want to touch your boobs and talk about them and what you're going to do with them. You sit in a chair with a needle in your arm as a chemo nurse talks about how you may need both a laxative and an anti-diarrhea medication over the next four months. You get hot flashes just about anywhere (boy am I glad THAT's over). Etc, etc.
So, anyway, last week's digestive issues were absolutely awful. I can honestly say that what I endured was worse than chemo. Really. I had sporadic and intense abdominal cramping that was so miserable. I couldn't even sleep through an entire night. And poor Rusty. I can only imagine how helpless he felt as I sat there with frequent abdominal pain, no appetite, and a grimace on my face. (One of the symptoms of C-Dif is loss of appetite or anorexia.) Let me tell you - when I don't want to eat, there is definitely something wrong. He tried to make me eat something, and he was more than willing to prepare anything I wanted to eat if it appealed to me.
On Friday, when I took the first dose of the antibiotic, I told myself that I wanted to start feeling better by today (Sunday). That may sound ridiculous, but it gave me a sense of control over how I felt. I set a goal for myself, just like anything else. To my surprise, I was already doing better by Saturday morning. I slept the entire previous night without having to get up to go to the bathroom (the previous night I had woken up 4 times, which was an improvement over the 10-12 times the night before - I am NOT exaggerating). Today, I'm back eating solid food and I even have a craving for Chinese takeout, which we'll have tonight. Yay!!!!
I also eat lots of yogurt so that my digestive tract can be repopulated with good bacteria to restore order (it's also essential to keep the C-Dif in check to prevent a recurrence). When I'm feeling silly, I give the bacteria a pep talk. Oh yes, it's crazy, but think about it - these are living things I'm digesting and these living things have an important job ahead of them.
~ What Lies Ahead ~
For the short term, I've got a few appointments next week with the plastic surgeon to remove the drains, and with Mr. Wizard to review my progress and to go over the pathology results of the surgery. I already know the size of the tumor, and I know that there were 3 of 11 nodes positive. (I'll write more about that after we have a chance to discuss this with Mr. Wizard.) Before radiation begins, the plastic surgeon is going to inflate the tissue expanders as much as possible to stretch my muscles and skin for the implants. So, over the next month, I'll be like a 13 year-old going through puberty. This is easier said than done - based on how I feel now, I can only imagine the discomfort involved. This has to be done at a pace that I can tolerate. I also have a meeting with The Zapper at the end of September to go over the course of treatment for radiation. Then, 3-6 months after radiation, I'll have the implants put in.
And I think that's about it for today. Oh, actually, two funny things I thought of as I was finishing this off...
My visiting nurse got a real kick out of me the other day as I jokingly read the warnings on my newest prescription to get rid of the C-dif. "Do not take while breastfeeding". ;-)
Also, I got a card from Rusty's parents that made me LMAO (for Grandma - Laugh My heAd Off, sort of). It reads "Get Well Soon! ... the entire beer industry is counting on you!)". Unfortunately, I am not allowed to drink until the antibiotics are done. Sigh. Just when I feel good enough for a beer, I have to wait 8 days to have one!! You should all have one (or two...) for me. :-)
So much has happened in the last week and a half, and there were several times that I thought something would be really funny to write in the blog, but I was in no mood to be in front of a laptop. I finally feel like things are getting back to normal (as normal as things can be with two tubes and grenade-shaped pouches coming out of my sides). I thought today would be a good day to share some random tidbits from the last couple of weeks.
~ My Boob Casts ~
A couple of weeks ago, remember how I relayed my idea for how to "remember" my boobs? Well, I did it! Rusty and I made two casts of my upper torso area. Some may think that this is weird (and you're welcome to have that opinion), but once the idea was in my head I would never forgive myself if I didn't do this.
When I was in high school, one of the art projects I completed in my senior year art class was a mask. It used basically the exact same procedure and materials as my boob cast, so I was pretty sure it would work well. I did a little googling to refresh my memory, and I found that this is actually a somewhat common project for expectant mothers (except they cast their whole belly, obviously). As neat as that sounds, let's just say I'm not planning to make a cast of my tummy any time soon ;-)
Anyway, Rusty and I began our little art project in the kitchen by placing an old vinyl shower curtain on the floor (it can be a bit messy!). I then put a good slap of Crisco over my skin to prevent the plaster from sticking (imagine pulling dried plaster off your nipples - ouch!). Previously, I purchased a 20 lb. box of gauze strips coated in Plaster of Paris (I can probably make a DOZEN extra casts out of this box). The basic idea is to dip the strips in warm water and place them on the "subject" criss-crossing in multiple layers. After about 30 minutes from the time the first strip is placed, the cast pulls away from the skin and is ready to be removed. Over the next week, it cures, and I will probably coat it with some kind of lacquer and decorate it at some point.
Here is the result:
I hope this doesn't bother you (but it doesn't bother me). Besides, it's not like you're looking at my boobs. Right now I have no boobs. ;-)
~ My Husband ~
Not that I didn't expect this... but throughout this whole wild ride, Rusty has been a true gem. He has worn many hats - cook, cheerleader, chauffeur, personal assistant, blogger, maid, gardener, and nagger (when it's time to eat and I have no appetite), just to name a few. He has had to do virtually everything for me thus far, and he doesn't complain. More importantly, he also is very good at doing all of these things - he doesn't get grossed out when it's time to empty the drains or change the dressings. He also doesn't flinch when we look at my incisions to make sure they're healing properly.
One thing that's kind of cute is he gets mad when my eating schedule gets messed up, so he tries to reserve the right to refuse when people come over, lest they hang around past meal time.
As I'm writing about him, I keep coming up with things he does that should fall under other headings. I could write this entire blog post about all the things he's done, but I guess the best way to do this is just to write about him everywhere :-) He really is a total sweetheart.
~ My Garden ~
One thing I really regret about being in recovery at this particular moment is that my garden is currently exploding with tomatoes and peppers. Normally, this would probably be the weekend when I make "Grandpa's Salsa". It's an all-day affair where I would harvest all of the ripe tomatoes and peppers, chopping about a gallon (YES, a gallon) of tomatoes and about 4-6 cups of hot peppers and make this yummy delicious salsa that gets canned and processed and stored in my basement so I can enjoy the garden all year 'round. My friend Sarah gave me this recipe a few years back. It's her grandfather's salsa and it's the best I've ever had.
Anyway, unfortunately, this isn't going to happen this year. BUT, instead of letting the tomatoes rot on the vine, Rusty has been diligently going outside daily to harvest them. BTW, when I'm ready for visitors again, if you see a bowlful of tomatoes and peppers and you want them, PLEASE TAKE SOME! Here is what Rusty harvested over the last couple of days:
We also happen to have an explosion of hops. Taking care of these is a very tedious process (I should know, last year Rusty was away and I had to do this by myself!). The hops need to be trimmed from the vine (they kind of grow like grapes, I guess, but you can't trim them off in bunches) and then slowly dried in the oven. Rusty took care of one of the plants yesterday, and then did the other three today. Here is a pile of un-dried hops:
And here they are after they've been dried and bagged:
I simply cannot wait until we're ready to brew again. Hell, I'd settle for just drinking beer at this point... ;-)
~ My Poopy Problems ~
Anyone who works with me will probably laugh at that heading. I used to have the reputation of being totally intolerant of potty humor (maybe this comes from marrying a man who lived in a fraternity throughout college - I think I heard a lifetime's worth of potty humor in about 4 years). Well, when you encounter everything I have over the last 5 months, you learn really quickly that it does you no good to be embarrassed about the body. You meet countless doctors that want to touch your boobs and talk about them and what you're going to do with them. You sit in a chair with a needle in your arm as a chemo nurse talks about how you may need both a laxative and an anti-diarrhea medication over the next four months. You get hot flashes just about anywhere (boy am I glad THAT's over). Etc, etc.
So, anyway, last week's digestive issues were absolutely awful. I can honestly say that what I endured was worse than chemo. Really. I had sporadic and intense abdominal cramping that was so miserable. I couldn't even sleep through an entire night. And poor Rusty. I can only imagine how helpless he felt as I sat there with frequent abdominal pain, no appetite, and a grimace on my face. (One of the symptoms of C-Dif is loss of appetite or anorexia.) Let me tell you - when I don't want to eat, there is definitely something wrong. He tried to make me eat something, and he was more than willing to prepare anything I wanted to eat if it appealed to me.
On Friday, when I took the first dose of the antibiotic, I told myself that I wanted to start feeling better by today (Sunday). That may sound ridiculous, but it gave me a sense of control over how I felt. I set a goal for myself, just like anything else. To my surprise, I was already doing better by Saturday morning. I slept the entire previous night without having to get up to go to the bathroom (the previous night I had woken up 4 times, which was an improvement over the 10-12 times the night before - I am NOT exaggerating). Today, I'm back eating solid food and I even have a craving for Chinese takeout, which we'll have tonight. Yay!!!!
I also eat lots of yogurt so that my digestive tract can be repopulated with good bacteria to restore order (it's also essential to keep the C-Dif in check to prevent a recurrence). When I'm feeling silly, I give the bacteria a pep talk. Oh yes, it's crazy, but think about it - these are living things I'm digesting and these living things have an important job ahead of them.
~ What Lies Ahead ~
For the short term, I've got a few appointments next week with the plastic surgeon to remove the drains, and with Mr. Wizard to review my progress and to go over the pathology results of the surgery. I already know the size of the tumor, and I know that there were 3 of 11 nodes positive. (I'll write more about that after we have a chance to discuss this with Mr. Wizard.) Before radiation begins, the plastic surgeon is going to inflate the tissue expanders as much as possible to stretch my muscles and skin for the implants. So, over the next month, I'll be like a 13 year-old going through puberty. This is easier said than done - based on how I feel now, I can only imagine the discomfort involved. This has to be done at a pace that I can tolerate. I also have a meeting with The Zapper at the end of September to go over the course of treatment for radiation. Then, 3-6 months after radiation, I'll have the implants put in.
And I think that's about it for today. Oh, actually, two funny things I thought of as I was finishing this off...
My visiting nurse got a real kick out of me the other day as I jokingly read the warnings on my newest prescription to get rid of the C-dif. "Do not take while breastfeeding". ;-)
Also, I got a card from Rusty's parents that made me LMAO (for Grandma - Laugh My heAd Off, sort of). It reads "Get Well Soon! ... the entire beer industry is counting on you!)". Unfortunately, I am not allowed to drink until the antibiotics are done. Sigh. Just when I feel good enough for a beer, I have to wait 8 days to have one!! You should all have one (or two...) for me. :-)
Friday, September 19, 2008
A Colitis Inside Us
Dear faithful readers, I'm back. But I'm not doing as well as I should be. First, let me say that I'm progressing well. I'm off pain medication, my drains aren't pissing me off too much, and my range of motion is pretty good. But then there's the colitis...
For those of you who saw me last weekend, this will totally surprise you. I was actually doing great then. For those of you who've seen me this week, this will serve as an explanation for what was going on. Late Sunday night/early Monday morning I got up in the middle of the night and "had to go". It hasn't stopped since. Seriously, folks. I know it's kind of gross, but I have had persistent digestive issues that have been quite painful and uncomfortable and have made sleeping pretty difficult. At first, it seemed like a mild reaction to the antibiotics. I developed a mild fever, which is always a concern because it could indicate infection with the drains, but it went away (and the drains looked great).
We figured it was just a side affect of the antibiotics that would eventually pass (and I was due to finish them yesterday). Well, when I went to see the oncological surgeon for a post-op visit, he was concerned that it could be more serious. He asked a nurse to collect a "sample". Luckily, I was able to produce one quite readily. I can't even believe I'm writing this... They got back to me today with the results - I have C. Dif, aka Clostridium Difficile Colitis aka Antibiotic-Associated Colitis.
Normal, healthy people have this bacterium in small amounts. It is kept in line by the various other "good" bacteria in the colon. When a patient has to take antibiotics, the good bacteria can be killed, leaving the C. Dif to grow unchecked. What results is terribly painful abdominal cramps, frequent trips to the bathroom, and a generally gross feeling. I also have no appetite. It's a common symptom, but part of me wonders if this is totally intellectual because I no longer think of what food tastes like, but of what it does to me once it's been swallowed.
So, the treatment is to take another antibiotic (ironic, isn't it?) to kill the bad bacterium and to replace all of the fluids and electrolytes I've been losing, to eat what I feel I can and to slowly introduce the foods that right now totally disgust me.
To anyone who is thinking of bringing food or visiting - please wait until I can spend more than 15 minutes in your presence without getting up to go to the bathroom :-)
When I'm feeling better I promise to give a happier update.
For those of you who saw me last weekend, this will totally surprise you. I was actually doing great then. For those of you who've seen me this week, this will serve as an explanation for what was going on. Late Sunday night/early Monday morning I got up in the middle of the night and "had to go". It hasn't stopped since. Seriously, folks. I know it's kind of gross, but I have had persistent digestive issues that have been quite painful and uncomfortable and have made sleeping pretty difficult. At first, it seemed like a mild reaction to the antibiotics. I developed a mild fever, which is always a concern because it could indicate infection with the drains, but it went away (and the drains looked great).
We figured it was just a side affect of the antibiotics that would eventually pass (and I was due to finish them yesterday). Well, when I went to see the oncological surgeon for a post-op visit, he was concerned that it could be more serious. He asked a nurse to collect a "sample". Luckily, I was able to produce one quite readily. I can't even believe I'm writing this... They got back to me today with the results - I have C. Dif, aka Clostridium Difficile Colitis aka Antibiotic-Associated Colitis.
Normal, healthy people have this bacterium in small amounts. It is kept in line by the various other "good" bacteria in the colon. When a patient has to take antibiotics, the good bacteria can be killed, leaving the C. Dif to grow unchecked. What results is terribly painful abdominal cramps, frequent trips to the bathroom, and a generally gross feeling. I also have no appetite. It's a common symptom, but part of me wonders if this is totally intellectual because I no longer think of what food tastes like, but of what it does to me once it's been swallowed.
So, the treatment is to take another antibiotic (ironic, isn't it?) to kill the bad bacterium and to replace all of the fluids and electrolytes I've been losing, to eat what I feel I can and to slowly introduce the foods that right now totally disgust me.
To anyone who is thinking of bringing food or visiting - please wait until I can spend more than 15 minutes in your presence without getting up to go to the bathroom :-)
When I'm feeling better I promise to give a happier update.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
A long overdue update
We are probably way over-due for an update, so here you are:
Megan's recovery is progressing nicely. Yesterday we met with Dr. McSteamy for a follow-up and everything is running as smoothly as can be expected. One of Megan's drains was removed (only 2 left), so that's a good thing. In the weeks leading up to Megan's surgery, Dr. McSteamy sufficiently scared us into being incredibly deliberate with all-things-drain-care related and so far it's paying off. He remarked that it was obvious we were taking his earlier recommendations seriously as each of the drains, skin around the drains and incisions were being well-cared for. We've got another appointment with him on Friday and with a little bit of luck, one more will be ready to be removed.
That all said, Megan hasn't been feeling as well as she would like. She's taking an antibiotic that doesn't exactly agree with her, but she will be done with the entire prescription by this time tomorrow, so at least the end is in sight.
And now, just because Jocelyn asked, here's another Tale from the hospital:
I already mentioned that first thing on Wednesday morning Megan met with Dr. McSteamy. The purpose of that quick visit was for McSteamy to draw on Megan his recommended "entry points" for the oncological surgeon to use as guidance. Naturally, the oncological surgeon's job is to remove the cancer, but, as McSteamy explained, there are a number of ways that he can do that and these markings would be McSteamy's preference in terms of making for the best reconstruction. Why would I possibly want to write about this? Well, it was kind of amusing to see.
Dr. McSteamy would one moment be looking at Megan from several feet away, thumb raised upwards, eyes squinted, like Picasso working on his next masterpiece. Without warning, he would morph into Bill Belichick drawing his latest pass route, only Megan's chest served as the white board. There's Randy Moss and Wes Welker setting up on each sideline preparing to run posting routes. In the backfield, I could see Sammy Morris and Lawrence Maroney preparing for a handoff or a quick out. And somewhere in the cleavage is Tom Brady, and that can't be good the way he's grabbing his leg.
Following surgery (and again at yesterday's appointment), Dr. McSteamy was full of enthusiasm and very happy with both his work, and the work that the oncological surgeon did based on his playbook/cubist masterpiece. Touchdown!!!!
Megan's recovery is progressing nicely. Yesterday we met with Dr. McSteamy for a follow-up and everything is running as smoothly as can be expected. One of Megan's drains was removed (only 2 left), so that's a good thing. In the weeks leading up to Megan's surgery, Dr. McSteamy sufficiently scared us into being incredibly deliberate with all-things-drain-care related and so far it's paying off. He remarked that it was obvious we were taking his earlier recommendations seriously as each of the drains, skin around the drains and incisions were being well-cared for. We've got another appointment with him on Friday and with a little bit of luck, one more will be ready to be removed.
That all said, Megan hasn't been feeling as well as she would like. She's taking an antibiotic that doesn't exactly agree with her, but she will be done with the entire prescription by this time tomorrow, so at least the end is in sight.
And now, just because Jocelyn asked, here's another Tale from the hospital:
I already mentioned that first thing on Wednesday morning Megan met with Dr. McSteamy. The purpose of that quick visit was for McSteamy to draw on Megan his recommended "entry points" for the oncological surgeon to use as guidance. Naturally, the oncological surgeon's job is to remove the cancer, but, as McSteamy explained, there are a number of ways that he can do that and these markings would be McSteamy's preference in terms of making for the best reconstruction. Why would I possibly want to write about this? Well, it was kind of amusing to see.
Dr. McSteamy would one moment be looking at Megan from several feet away, thumb raised upwards, eyes squinted, like Picasso working on his next masterpiece. Without warning, he would morph into Bill Belichick drawing his latest pass route, only Megan's chest served as the white board. There's Randy Moss and Wes Welker setting up on each sideline preparing to run posting routes. In the backfield, I could see Sammy Morris and Lawrence Maroney preparing for a handoff or a quick out. And somewhere in the cleavage is Tom Brady, and that can't be good the way he's grabbing his leg.
Following surgery (and again at yesterday's appointment), Dr. McSteamy was full of enthusiasm and very happy with both his work, and the work that the oncological surgeon did based on his playbook/cubist masterpiece. Touchdown!!!!
Friday, September 12, 2008
Tales from the hospital
I was at UMass Memorial from a little before 7:30 AM on Wednesday, 9/10, until a little after 12:30 PM on 9/11 when Megan was discharged. I was fortunate to be allowed to spend the night, and as a result of my non-stop exposure to Megan’s care, I got a wonderful view into the UMass medical system. I can say, without a doubt, that the level of care they provided was great, though we knew that would be the case from our previous experiences with Megan’s team of doctors. Fortunately, I can also say that the bed-side manner exhibited was fantastic (something you just don’t know about until you get there). There were smiles from the staff everywhere and there were more than a few moments where a funny comment or re-assuring statement was made that made Megan and I smile (of course, some of Megan’s smiling could probably be attributed to the morphine drip, but I digress). Here, in no particular order, are some of the “highlights” that stuck with me:
Jess, a registered nurse, after offering for me to spend the night in Megan's hospital room, and I replied that that'd be great and I'd be happy to just sleep in the chair I was already sitting in: "No way! No one's sleeping in a chair on my shift!" (She promptly supplied a mostly comfortable roll-away cot for me for the evening)
Dr. Phong, a resident on the surgeon staff after asking who the bears with Megan were and being informed they were named Bea and Foolish Heart: "Well, that works for me!"
Kelly, a registered nurse, during the graveyard shift of Megan's overnight after being informed that Megan was finally able to 'make pee!': "YAAAAAAAY!" (This is exactly the kind of response complete with child-like enthusiasm that I'd already made just moments earlier).
Kelly, prior to what I shall now refer to as the YAY-incident while introducing herself, after I informed her to please tell me to get out of the way if I’m sitting where I shouldn’t be or are otherwise in the way: “You’re fine, and Jess already told me you’re eager to help and have been a big help, so don’t you worry.”
Dr Mustafa, a resident on the plastics staff, while examining Megan's incisions and remarking that the covers at this point were 'more decorative than functional', to which Megan replied "then why didn't I get polka-dots?": Big grin and then "I'm not sure if polka-dot gauze is covered by your insurance."
The anesthesiologist, after placing Bea high above the operating room table so Megan could look at her, to which she said "She's going to help": "How's she going to help with her hands always pressed together like that?" (Megan's reply? "That's what the bee is for!")
Pat, a recovery room nurse, while looking at Megan's chart: "Hmmm… I know a Megan Lally... Megan!" (Yup, Pat knew Megan from her previous job at Ameriprise and a familiar face was exactly what Megan needed coming out of her sleep. Small world, eh?)
Jess, a registered nurse, after offering for me to spend the night in Megan's hospital room, and I replied that that'd be great and I'd be happy to just sleep in the chair I was already sitting in: "No way! No one's sleeping in a chair on my shift!" (She promptly supplied a mostly comfortable roll-away cot for me for the evening)
Dr. Phong, a resident on the surgeon staff after asking who the bears with Megan were and being informed they were named Bea and Foolish Heart: "Well, that works for me!"
Kelly, a registered nurse, during the graveyard shift of Megan's overnight after being informed that Megan was finally able to 'make pee!': "YAAAAAAAY!" (This is exactly the kind of response complete with child-like enthusiasm that I'd already made just moments earlier).
Kelly, prior to what I shall now refer to as the YAY-incident while introducing herself, after I informed her to please tell me to get out of the way if I’m sitting where I shouldn’t be or are otherwise in the way: “You’re fine, and Jess already told me you’re eager to help and have been a big help, so don’t you worry.”
Dr Mustafa, a resident on the plastics staff, while examining Megan's incisions and remarking that the covers at this point were 'more decorative than functional', to which Megan replied "then why didn't I get polka-dots?": Big grin and then "I'm not sure if polka-dot gauze is covered by your insurance."
The anesthesiologist, after placing Bea high above the operating room table so Megan could look at her, to which she said "She's going to help": "How's she going to help with her hands always pressed together like that?" (Megan's reply? "That's what the bee is for!")
Pat, a recovery room nurse, while looking at Megan's chart: "Hmmm… I know a Megan Lally... Megan!" (Yup, Pat knew Megan from her previous job at Ameriprise and a familiar face was exactly what Megan needed coming out of her sleep. Small world, eh?)
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Home is where the heart is
Megan is home!
At about 12:30 PM today after a wonderful hospital-food meal of chicken pot pie and chocolate mousse, Megan was given the green light to be discharged. It's just as well because they didn't have the Food Network or HG TV (these will undoubtedly be staples of Megan's recovery).
She is now home, wearing my big ugly shirts and resting comfortably in a big comfy chair surrounded by bears. YAY!
At about 12:30 PM today after a wonderful hospital-food meal of chicken pot pie and chocolate mousse, Megan was given the green light to be discharged. It's just as well because they didn't have the Food Network or HG TV (these will undoubtedly be staples of Megan's recovery).
She is now home, wearing my big ugly shirts and resting comfortably in a big comfy chair surrounded by bears. YAY!
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
a VERY brief update
I know some of you probably read my first post and then around 1:30 starting hitting refresh, so I thought a brief update was in order:
We've spoken to both the Oncological surgeon and the Plastic surgeon. Both felt their piece of the surgery went great and were happy with their results. Dr. McSteamy started his portion a little later than anticipated, hence the delay in news.
Megan has just been moved to the recovery room where she'll be for the next couple hours before being moved to her room for the evening at which point we'll be able to see her.
We'll provide more details later, but I wanted to give an update anyway, however brief.
We've spoken to both the Oncological surgeon and the Plastic surgeon. Both felt their piece of the surgery went great and were happy with their results. Dr. McSteamy started his portion a little later than anticipated, hence the delay in news.
Megan has just been moved to the recovery room where she'll be for the next couple hours before being moved to her room for the evening at which point we'll be able to see her.
We'll provide more details later, but I wanted to give an update anyway, however brief.
and away we go...
It'd be nice if my first foray into Megan's blogging world consisted of something witty and amusing as my and your favorite blogger has been known to write, but for now it'll be just the facts, ma'am.
I, and Mom and Dad Lally just saw (er, rolled?) Megan off to meet with her surgeon and away we go. I'm now in the waiting room and thought it was time for my first update.
Megan checked-in right at 7:30. After a quick visit with Dr. McSteamy Tabooley, Megan was ready. Surgery is expected to occur from 9:30AM (which is right about now) until 1:30PM. Given the amount of anesthesia that will be administered it will probably be some time after that before Megan is out of the recovery room. We're expecting that Megan will spend the night, but the nurse who took care of all her paperwork noted that it will be more of a 'game-time' decision.
Megan has been in great spirits all things considered, but I don't expect you to take my word for it, so how about some photographic proof?
Here is my lovely Wife prior to surgery with a familiar friend you'll know from previous posts. Megan was especially happy to find out that her little friend, Bea, was also welcome into the operating room with her, as long as she was also 'checked-in'.
Here you can see Bea has been fitted with her own identification bracelet, which is by no coincidence identical to Megan's.
On a more personal note, I'd like to thank all of you for your thoughts, prayers, well-wishes, and so on. You have all truly been pillars of strength for Megan and I and it has certainly not gone unnoticed. Please keep it up!
I guess that's about all for now. I'll be sure to give at least one other update a little later in the day once I have more to share.
I, and Mom and Dad Lally just saw (er, rolled?) Megan off to meet with her surgeon and away we go. I'm now in the waiting room and thought it was time for my first update.
Megan checked-in right at 7:30. After a quick visit with Dr. McSteamy Tabooley, Megan was ready. Surgery is expected to occur from 9:30AM (which is right about now) until 1:30PM. Given the amount of anesthesia that will be administered it will probably be some time after that before Megan is out of the recovery room. We're expecting that Megan will spend the night, but the nurse who took care of all her paperwork noted that it will be more of a 'game-time' decision.
Megan has been in great spirits all things considered, but I don't expect you to take my word for it, so how about some photographic proof?
Here is my lovely Wife prior to surgery with a familiar friend you'll know from previous posts. Megan was especially happy to find out that her little friend, Bea, was also welcome into the operating room with her, as long as she was also 'checked-in'.
Here you can see Bea has been fitted with her own identification bracelet, which is by no coincidence identical to Megan's.
On a more personal note, I'd like to thank all of you for your thoughts, prayers, well-wishes, and so on. You have all truly been pillars of strength for Megan and I and it has certainly not gone unnoticed. Please keep it up!
I guess that's about all for now. I'll be sure to give at least one other update a little later in the day once I have more to share.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Bye, Boobs!
Today I did a few last minute things. I had lunch with a friend at one of my favorite places in Worcester. I had a massage. Marlena put pink balloons in the room. It was so cute! And I felt incredibly special. It made me laugh. Of course, there were about a dozen other things that we talked about that made us laugh. It was a nice way to prepare physically and mentally for tomorrow.
Of course, while I was at my massage, the hospital called to confirm my surgery and notify me when I should arrive. Luckily, they know how to leave messages :-) I am to arrive at the hospital at 7:30 AM in the morning. I don't know exactly when my surgery is, but feel free to send me good thoughts and vibes starting at 7:30 and ending around 5:00 PM. You know, just to make sure. ;-)
I promise to have Rusty update the blog. Thank you all for everything.
Of course, while I was at my massage, the hospital called to confirm my surgery and notify me when I should arrive. Luckily, they know how to leave messages :-) I am to arrive at the hospital at 7:30 AM in the morning. I don't know exactly when my surgery is, but feel free to send me good thoughts and vibes starting at 7:30 and ending around 5:00 PM. You know, just to make sure. ;-)
I promise to have Rusty update the blog. Thank you all for everything.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Smile When You Feel Pain!!!
Don't worry, that title doesn't mean what you think it does. I'm not in pain. Today was the BEST day I've had in a loooong time. Why? Everything. There wasn't one thing that made it a great day, just lots of little things.
It actually started during the weekend. This was supposed to be my "swan song", if you will. Rusty and I planned to do all sorts of fun things that we couldn't do when I was recovering. And we did. I can't possibly focus on every great thing I did because I'd be writing this post forever. But, I'll give a quick rundown...
- Brimfield with Sarah. It was vintage. I don't think we've done the Brimfield trip like that in a few years. My legs are still sore from walking all day. It was delightful.
- Dinner with Rusty's parents on Saturday evening. They came all the way from Maine just to see us. It was so relaxed. The food was great, the company was even better, and they gave me the most thoughtful and delightful basket full of all kinds of goodies that I'll use when I'm recovering from surgery.
- Fabric shopping.
- Making chili.
- Boob Cast x 2 (more about that later).
- Going to the movies.
Rusty and I went to see Dark Knight (I know, we're a bit behind the curve on that one). The movie theater has a full bar where you can also get food. We had some beer and some appetizers and we were enjoying ourselves, except the bartender was a little nosy. You could tell he had nothing better to do but listen to us talk and try to interject every once in awhile (we were the only people there). Okay, you can only resist that for so long, so we gave in. We started talking to him a bit and he told us how he was finishing up college and he was studying computers. He was hoping to finish soon. He was getting a discount on the tuition because his mom worked at the college but she may have to quit her job soon because she was going through breast cancer treatment.
Wow.
It turns out she has the same surgeon, probably the same oncologist, and by my calculations she probably was diagnosed around the same time as me. It was weird, but somehow it comforted me. Instead of being mad like I usually am when someone stops me in the grocery store or Staples to talk to me about cancer, I was oddly serene and happy about the whole thing. Anyway, the movie was great.
Now, onto today. Today was very difficult at work. I couldn't focus on anything. I was very distracted and I was trying to wrap things up as best I could. I stayed a little late because I had Pilates class today (my last class for a long time) and the timing works out so that I leave work between 6:00 and 6:30 and get to the class in Worcester around 7:15. Around 5:45 the phone started ringing. And ringing.
One sister, two friends, two aunts, two grandmothers, and a partridge in a pear tree. :-) Not that I'm complaining. Everyone is wishing me well for my surgery. Every time someone calls me it makes me smile. I know it sounds corny, but it really does make me feel so special.
So, tonight was my last Pilates class. Right after I finished chemo, I started doing Pilates again (I stopped basically right after I got diagnosed, which was probably a mistake, but I know I definitely did not have the energy to do it all through chemo). It's really helped me build up my strength, establish a workout routine, and feel like I'm really getting healthy. I absolutely love it love it love it.
Anyway, I don't want my Pilates teacher to worry about me, so I decided to tell her at the end of class that this would be my last class for quite some time. I told her that I was going for a mastectomy and she gave me a big hug and wanted to get my contact info. Until this day, my Pilates teacher of 8 months-ish didn't even know my name. Now she wants to give me a Pilates DVD for breast cancer patients and visit me after I'm feeling better. Wow! It was awesome. I told her how important her class was for me me and my recovery and how my core strength is going to be really important after surgery (it's true... I read it on the internet).
The best part was when she told me that I was inspiring to her because every time she looked at me I was smiling. I laughed and reminded her that's because she always says, "Smile when you feel pain!"
Anyway, I have let go quite a bit and things have been really good. Tomorrow, the hospital is supposed to tell me when my surgery is going to be on Wednesday. I will post it when I know. I've arranged for Rusty to guest blog on the day of the surgery, so everyone can get an update. I appreciate everyone's good thoughts and well wishes, and everything. Really.
It actually started during the weekend. This was supposed to be my "swan song", if you will. Rusty and I planned to do all sorts of fun things that we couldn't do when I was recovering. And we did. I can't possibly focus on every great thing I did because I'd be writing this post forever. But, I'll give a quick rundown...
- Brimfield with Sarah. It was vintage. I don't think we've done the Brimfield trip like that in a few years. My legs are still sore from walking all day. It was delightful.
- Dinner with Rusty's parents on Saturday evening. They came all the way from Maine just to see us. It was so relaxed. The food was great, the company was even better, and they gave me the most thoughtful and delightful basket full of all kinds of goodies that I'll use when I'm recovering from surgery.
- Fabric shopping.
- Making chili.
- Boob Cast x 2 (more about that later).
- Going to the movies.
Rusty and I went to see Dark Knight (I know, we're a bit behind the curve on that one). The movie theater has a full bar where you can also get food. We had some beer and some appetizers and we were enjoying ourselves, except the bartender was a little nosy. You could tell he had nothing better to do but listen to us talk and try to interject every once in awhile (we were the only people there). Okay, you can only resist that for so long, so we gave in. We started talking to him a bit and he told us how he was finishing up college and he was studying computers. He was hoping to finish soon. He was getting a discount on the tuition because his mom worked at the college but she may have to quit her job soon because she was going through breast cancer treatment.
Wow.
It turns out she has the same surgeon, probably the same oncologist, and by my calculations she probably was diagnosed around the same time as me. It was weird, but somehow it comforted me. Instead of being mad like I usually am when someone stops me in the grocery store or Staples to talk to me about cancer, I was oddly serene and happy about the whole thing. Anyway, the movie was great.
Now, onto today. Today was very difficult at work. I couldn't focus on anything. I was very distracted and I was trying to wrap things up as best I could. I stayed a little late because I had Pilates class today (my last class for a long time) and the timing works out so that I leave work between 6:00 and 6:30 and get to the class in Worcester around 7:15. Around 5:45 the phone started ringing. And ringing.
One sister, two friends, two aunts, two grandmothers, and a partridge in a pear tree. :-) Not that I'm complaining. Everyone is wishing me well for my surgery. Every time someone calls me it makes me smile. I know it sounds corny, but it really does make me feel so special.
So, tonight was my last Pilates class. Right after I finished chemo, I started doing Pilates again (I stopped basically right after I got diagnosed, which was probably a mistake, but I know I definitely did not have the energy to do it all through chemo). It's really helped me build up my strength, establish a workout routine, and feel like I'm really getting healthy. I absolutely love it love it love it.
Anyway, I don't want my Pilates teacher to worry about me, so I decided to tell her at the end of class that this would be my last class for quite some time. I told her that I was going for a mastectomy and she gave me a big hug and wanted to get my contact info. Until this day, my Pilates teacher of 8 months-ish didn't even know my name. Now she wants to give me a Pilates DVD for breast cancer patients and visit me after I'm feeling better. Wow! It was awesome. I told her how important her class was for me me and my recovery and how my core strength is going to be really important after surgery (it's true... I read it on the internet).
The best part was when she told me that I was inspiring to her because every time she looked at me I was smiling. I laughed and reminded her that's because she always says, "Smile when you feel pain!"
Anyway, I have let go quite a bit and things have been really good. Tomorrow, the hospital is supposed to tell me when my surgery is going to be on Wednesday. I will post it when I know. I've arranged for Rusty to guest blog on the day of the surgery, so everyone can get an update. I appreciate everyone's good thoughts and well wishes, and everything. Really.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Be Careful What You Wish For...
I'm not sure if I've used that title before, but that sure sounds good. Before I get to the meat of the story, I just wanted to say that about a month ago, I was playing with the settings on my blog and I enabled anonymous commenting. What does that mean to you? Well, a few of you have mentioned that you weren't able to set things up to reply to blog posts, so hopefully this should make it easier for you. Sorry it took me so long. And please don't say mean things anonymously. ;-)
Anyway, so on to the title of this blog post... well, my friend Christina was saying that she has been disappointed that I haven't blogged in awhile (she even remembered the date of my last post!). So, I decided that I would get off my non-blogging butt and write something. Sorry, Christina, I hope you're not mad. Now you get to be the subject of the post... :-)
Every year, Rusty and I throw a Labor-Free Labor Day Party on the Sunday of Labor Day weekend. It's the perfect day to have it because we have one day to prepare for it and one day to clean up after it (though sometimes I feel like I could use a whole week to clean up after it). Anyway, this year it was kind of tough, because as you probably know it took forever to get a date for the surgery. I didn't want to invite everyone over if I was going to be recovering, but we were afraid that if we waited until the last minute, someone else would have a party.
But, it was totally out of our control and that's exactly what happened. One of Rusty's fraternity brothers had a party at his home in Rhode Island from Sunday to Monday of Labor Day weekend. This was kind of a blessing, because I wasn't really up for hosting 40+ people this year (which is about how many people we can expect to show up at various points during the day). So, we did have a much smaller party with close friends. If you didn't get invited I apologize. But just think, if you got invited I might be spending this blog post teasing you. :-)
So, anyway, one of the families we invited was Christina, her husband, and their two children. I spoke to her a couple of days before the party just to make sure she knew that her children were welcome to come, and I was looking forward to seeing them at the party. Then came the day of the party. I was kind of surprised when they didn't show by 3 or 4 o'clock, then at one point I realized it was 9 o'clock at night (yes, I do remember 9 o'clock at night) and they never came. I was a little disappointed but I figured that it was such a nice day they maybe decided to do something else with their children that day.
The next morning after I finally got out of bed, Rusty and I went out for breakfast and came back to take on the task of the Big Cleanup. Honestly, it wasn't that bad because Rusty cleaned up most of it the night before, but there was still a bit left to do. We were carrying a few things inside, when Rusty said,
"Hey, is that Christina?"
It took me a few seconds to get it, but he said "Oh, this is funny." They were getting out of the car, and then Rusty and I just started laughing. I yelled from the back yard,
"You guys realize our party was yesterday, right?"
I think they initially thought we were kidding. It was rather amusing. That's never happened to me before, but I can kind of see how it could happen. It was a Labor Day party, after all, and it wasn't exactly on Labor Day. We had a good laugh. Actually, we laughed for quite some time.
It's not exactly close for them, so they couldn't just say "oops, my bad" and go home. Well, we wouldn't let them do that, anyway. I couldn't imagine them coming all this way and then turning around and going back. So we had some lunch (BTW, the bread was awesome!), hung out and chatted for a couple of hours, and then they went home. As it is, I told them we would never have been able to enjoy their company as much at the actual party because there are SO many people to talk to and mingle with and I'm so bad at doing that anyway.
Christina did say that she wanted me to tell everyone that she didn't just blow us all off, so I figured I could kill two birds with one stone... She did complain that I hadn't written in awhile (check!) and she did want me to tell everyone that was at the party (check!). And now there's a little bit of public humiliation thrown in for good measure :-)
On a completely separate topic, I think I/we have decided how to say goodbye to my boobs. I've decided to participate as a dancer in an amateur night at a strip club.
JUST KIDDING :-) I think my mom just had a heart attack. My grandma probably did, too.
Anyway, it was Rusty's idea, but it was actually something I've also been thinking about. Back when I was in high school, one of my art projects was to make a Plaster of Paris cast of my face. I'm going to cast my boobs! This is way better than pictures because I'll always have a three-dimensional representation of them. I ordered the supplies, and hopefully I'll have it for this weekend. I don't really want to wait until the last day to do it.
So, thanks for reading, and I hope you're not mad, Christina.
Anyway, so on to the title of this blog post... well, my friend Christina was saying that she has been disappointed that I haven't blogged in awhile (she even remembered the date of my last post!). So, I decided that I would get off my non-blogging butt and write something. Sorry, Christina, I hope you're not mad. Now you get to be the subject of the post... :-)
Every year, Rusty and I throw a Labor-Free Labor Day Party on the Sunday of Labor Day weekend. It's the perfect day to have it because we have one day to prepare for it and one day to clean up after it (though sometimes I feel like I could use a whole week to clean up after it). Anyway, this year it was kind of tough, because as you probably know it took forever to get a date for the surgery. I didn't want to invite everyone over if I was going to be recovering, but we were afraid that if we waited until the last minute, someone else would have a party.
But, it was totally out of our control and that's exactly what happened. One of Rusty's fraternity brothers had a party at his home in Rhode Island from Sunday to Monday of Labor Day weekend. This was kind of a blessing, because I wasn't really up for hosting 40+ people this year (which is about how many people we can expect to show up at various points during the day). So, we did have a much smaller party with close friends. If you didn't get invited I apologize. But just think, if you got invited I might be spending this blog post teasing you. :-)
So, anyway, one of the families we invited was Christina, her husband, and their two children. I spoke to her a couple of days before the party just to make sure she knew that her children were welcome to come, and I was looking forward to seeing them at the party. Then came the day of the party. I was kind of surprised when they didn't show by 3 or 4 o'clock, then at one point I realized it was 9 o'clock at night (yes, I do remember 9 o'clock at night) and they never came. I was a little disappointed but I figured that it was such a nice day they maybe decided to do something else with their children that day.
The next morning after I finally got out of bed, Rusty and I went out for breakfast and came back to take on the task of the Big Cleanup. Honestly, it wasn't that bad because Rusty cleaned up most of it the night before, but there was still a bit left to do. We were carrying a few things inside, when Rusty said,
"Hey, is that Christina?"
It took me a few seconds to get it, but he said "Oh, this is funny." They were getting out of the car, and then Rusty and I just started laughing. I yelled from the back yard,
"You guys realize our party was yesterday, right?"
I think they initially thought we were kidding. It was rather amusing. That's never happened to me before, but I can kind of see how it could happen. It was a Labor Day party, after all, and it wasn't exactly on Labor Day. We had a good laugh. Actually, we laughed for quite some time.
It's not exactly close for them, so they couldn't just say "oops, my bad" and go home. Well, we wouldn't let them do that, anyway. I couldn't imagine them coming all this way and then turning around and going back. So we had some lunch (BTW, the bread was awesome!), hung out and chatted for a couple of hours, and then they went home. As it is, I told them we would never have been able to enjoy their company as much at the actual party because there are SO many people to talk to and mingle with and I'm so bad at doing that anyway.
Christina did say that she wanted me to tell everyone that she didn't just blow us all off, so I figured I could kill two birds with one stone... She did complain that I hadn't written in awhile (check!) and she did want me to tell everyone that was at the party (check!). And now there's a little bit of public humiliation thrown in for good measure :-)
On a completely separate topic, I think I/we have decided how to say goodbye to my boobs. I've decided to participate as a dancer in an amateur night at a strip club.
JUST KIDDING :-) I think my mom just had a heart attack. My grandma probably did, too.
Anyway, it was Rusty's idea, but it was actually something I've also been thinking about. Back when I was in high school, one of my art projects was to make a Plaster of Paris cast of my face. I'm going to cast my boobs! This is way better than pictures because I'll always have a three-dimensional representation of them. I ordered the supplies, and hopefully I'll have it for this weekend. I don't really want to wait until the last day to do it.
So, thanks for reading, and I hope you're not mad, Christina.
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