At Last

Today was my last day of chemo. At last, no more toxic drugs pumped into my system at biweekly intervals.

Honestly, chemo was starting to wear on me. Medically, some of my counts were getting pretty bad. My hemoglobin was at 10.1, and I think they would not be able to treat me at 10 (though I thought they said that at 11...). I could see how it steadily went down over the course of my treatments. As a result, I've been getting short of breath, and I could feel my heart beating after just a small amount of exertion (think walking up a flight of stairs). My platelets were also pretty low - as evidenced by how long it takes me to stop the bleeding when I get a small cut. Interestingly, my white blood count was great and always has been. That means my immune system is doing well.

Emotionally, chemo is also starting to wear on me. It's frustrating being so tired. I can't really exercise, which I don't like. I have a hard time concentrating on things, and you should hear me try to say tongue twisters - I feel so stupid. The other day we were talking at the lunch table at work, and someone mentioned a TV show character, "Hoss". I was thinking they were talking about a certain character from the "Dukes of Hazzard" (one of my favorite shows when I was little - just ask my mom how I used to climb in & out of the car... :-) And then my co-workers reminded me that he was Boss. And I said, "Oh, right, Bog Hoss". Dammit!!! They laughed because I really meant "Boss Hog". I do the same thing when I'm typing. I still type lightning fast, but I mess up the letters sometimes and I don't even know it.

Anyway, that's pretty annoying. I'm so ready for chemo to be over, but I'm also scared about what's coming next... BTW, I am meeting with the surgeon on Monday, and I will know the date of my surgery. And I still don't have a nickname for him - I think "The Butcher" is a bit dark...

So, at my appointment with Mr. Wizard, we also took at the results of my MRI. They were good. The reading radiologist wrote that only "wisps" of the tumor could be seen. Which is funny, because now I have wisps in my boobs, but no wisps of hair in my head ;-) Mr. Wizard (who I haven't seen in awhile, because I've been working with his Nurse Practitioner), was thrilled that the tumor responded so well. He said they were so excited, and that studies show that patients with "complete responses" and near "complete responses" both do very very well. Presumably, this means low incidences of recurrence and all that jazz, though I have seen studies that show that when patients don't have surgery, the recurrence is actually higher. (This makes sense - just because it's not detectable, that doesn't mean there aren't lingering cells).

Mr. Wizard said that patients who do well and have a good attitude serve as an inspiration to them - and I quote "Especially someone with your joie de vivre". It almost made me cry. I told him that I was happy about the results, but quite honestly this is what I expected. Really, I did. That, and from the very first treatment, we saw that the tumor was responding well. To me, there was no other option. I was doing chemo to shrink the tumor. If it didn't work, I don't know how I would have reacted. Luckily, that wasn't an issue.

So, I went for my last treatment and had my favorite, fabulous nurse, and I got the last remaining room with a window. I am fortunate. I would probably have had a temper tantrum if I didn't get a window room. Again, luckily that wasn't an issue.

The actual chemo infusion was pretty uneventful. I fell asleep after the Benadryl (as usual). We talked, I had lunch. It was nice. At the end, my favorite nurse told me that I should stop by and say hello when I come back in four weeks. She almost looked like she was going to give me a hug, but I felt a little weird, so I didn't. Maybe it was because I was focusing on it and she really wasn't.

Anyway, after chemo we went to Gibby's Dairy for ice cream to celebrate the milestone. Mmm... Gibby's. I had a hot fudge sundae with nuts made with Snickers ice cream. Mmm... For once, I actually got the kiddie size, and it's perfect. In my mind, kiddie seems way too small, but every time I get a regular size I wind up with a bloated stomach and a sugar hangover.

So, that's it. Chemo done. Over. Now we've got to work on the next step.