After yesterday's post, I wanted to keep things a little lighter (less scientific), clarify a few things, and introduce a new feature that I'm adding to the blog.
Sometimes when I don't write for a few days, I know people may wonder if everything is okay or if I'm sick, etc. Ironically, sometimes I don't blog because I'm feeling too good! So, I decided to add a status to my blog so that even if I don't have time to write a full-out post, you'll know how I'm doing. If you're reading this, it should be obvious (look to the right).
Also, I realized I may not have actually explained why I got the genetic testing. It's actually intended to guide my treatment. I wanted to know if I carried the gene mutation because my likelihood of getting a recurrence is much higher. So, we may want to be more aggressive with the surgery (i.e. remove more tissue). Or, I may be defiant like I typically am :-) Also, my doctors want to make sure that I have all the information I want and need to make my decision. We want to avoid me finding something out later that would have altered my choice.
Enough about that.
So, the other thing is that I may have been harsher than I intended when I wrote about what I don't want people to say. Let me explain... I want to hear the perspective of other people because I think it helps me make an informed decision. As this whole thing was unfolding, it actually took me a bit of courage to say that I didn't want to lose my boobs (if possible) because I thought it would sound stupid and vain. So that's why I'm sensitive about it. I know that living is more important than having my boobs, and I know I can get new ones. But I also know that reconstruction after a mastectomy doesn't quite look like Pamela Anderson. And I'm 27. I've barely even had them for half my life! It's a really big decision and I promise not to go into super-bitch mode if people discuss it with me.
I'm sure my dad remembers this time we were shopping when I was maybe 10 years old and I was trying to decide whether or not I should buy a $3 candle holder. I think I stewed about it for almost an hour. Seriously. A $3 candle holder. I am not very quick at this "making decisions" thing.
Now, at my meeting on Monday the genetic counselor gave me a new perspective I hadn't considered. She said I could always have more aggressive surgery later. Duh! It was like a totally foreign concept to me. I may not choose to go that route, but that's just an example of a viewpoint that was totally different and I'm glad she said that. My surgeon may not like the idea, though :-)
So, thank you all for offering up your good thoughts, prayers, comments, and your opinions. I love them all. And, if you care to weigh in, what do you think you would do? The rules are flexible... you can be me (27, married with no children, BRCA mutation) or you can be you (feel free to share what "you" means). Would you get the genetic test? Would you have a lumpectomy, a single mastectomy, a double mastectomy? If you got a double mastectomy would you have reconstruction, falsies, or maybe the tattoo option? (that one takes guts... for an example of it, see here).
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Wow Megan,
Remind me to never get into an arm wrestling contest with you. Those biceps are tight! Glad to see you are feeling strong.
It is as though you read my mind. Since I have had experiences with "falsies" first hand (and second hand too.... no, they weren't used ha ha LMAO), I can tell you that it has been entirely a positive experience. BUT.. the choice was mine, not put upon me by some disease. (How did you know that I would look at the tattoo?).
Honestly, I have a friend that had a mastectomy mastectomy. She was diagnosed with cancer in one, and opted to have the second removed prophylactically (spelling?)(yes they did find cancer in the second one). Well, she had the entire reconstruction process done. She even had the tattoo, and was very proud to show me the results. Although I did not touch them, and I had no comparison from the original set that she sacrificed... they did look nice. But she was not a 27 year old MW/OC.She was a 50+ with several children, and her boobs were likely an upgrade at that point. What would I do?
46 yowf/w2c. I have had the experience of nursing both children, and decided to upgrade at 30. I could let them both go (the boobs not the kids), and get an even newer, perkier pair, or none? They have certainly served their purpose, I love the way they look in my clothes, and would miss them if they were not there. But I would kiss them good-bye if it improved my odds at living this wonderful life that I have.
A dear friend of mine told me a story about a dear friend of hers. She opted to have a mastectomyx2 and decided that it was better to live with lifeless boobs... than boobless life. Just sharing.
Love Always..
And Unconditionally
Celine
Emma and I have discussed this a lot and I've always said when I get my breast cancer I am going to get a double mastectomy right away. My running will improve so much!!! But, it's hard to know how I will feel when I am actually faced with the decision. I can definitely understand you not wanting to be so drastic.
Dear Sweet Megan,
Well you asked for it (actually, you gave me permission) so here goes. What would I do if I had to make this decision? Well, I must say that the decision would be a very easy one for me. You see, for most of my life, my boobs have been non-entities. They aren’t really body parts on me like they are on you. For me, they’re more like bumps than breasts. They aren’t even big enough to hold and have never jiggled. These puppies aren’t the type that you can’t wait to pet (they’re more like the runts of the litter). Not that I’m complaining really, as there are some advantages….every shirt fits, (even onesies); when I’m a hag, they shan’t sag; teenie breasts always stay perky and they never get in the way; going braless, weeellll who knew?; lumps are real easy to find (kind of hard to miss something that doubles the size of your boob); when they get sore, it’s not so bad; I can see more ribs than you can; Wonder Bras are cheaper in smaller cups (almost free in a double A) and I never have to worry about my cleavage showing in a business meeting.
So when I stand in silhouette, looking at myself in the mirror, and try to imagine what I would look like after a mastectomy, I don’t get a visual of full, gorgeous breasts suddenly gone….it’s more like a pair of sunny-side eggs with the yolks broken. Reconstructive surgery for me would really be construction. So yes, the decision for me would be an easy one. Celine refers to a dear friend of hers and her dear friend (thanks for that). Well I know that dear friend and she was diagnosed at 32 with BC, grade 3, stage 3. She had two young children, and really felt like she had no choice but to undergo a total mastectomy. When we were talking about her decision, she stated it this way, “The choice is between sucky and suckier…boobless with life or lifeless with boobs.” For her, she felt like there was no third option. She made her choice eight years ago and is now lively with boobs (they look great). Would she still be cancer free if she had opted not to have the mastectomy? I don’t know, but I’m really glad she’s here. So for what it’s worth, that’s what I would do. 50 yowf/w4c.
PS. I totally agree with your decision to get genetic testing. Like pepere would say, forewarned is forearmed.
Oops,
I forgot to close with...
I love you..
XXOX,
Louise
I think I have decided not to get the test, although I will still consult with the doctor and request a mammogram at my appointment Monday, even at the ripe old age of 24. Although I do like to open Christmas presents early, I'm not the type of person who likes to read the last page/chapter of a book, and I have enough things to worry about without having this extra information swimming around in my head. If/when the time comes for more serious consideration I think I may reconsider.
However, being single, of similar age and stature as you my dear sister, I have to say I don't think at this stage in my life I would get them removed. I'm fairly used to and attached to them. (har har) Although it would make running a heck of a lot easier, I'm not so sure it would make becoming un-single any easier ;) In my humble opinion, you can always get them removed when you're good and ready, but you can't really put them back in the way they were.
Its my turn to chime in.
I am proud of my breasts and the way they look. Its true, there is less liklihood of them sagging because they are so small. And, that being said, it would be a no-brainer. Off with both of them.
I don't think you're being silly or vain wrestling with this decision. I am happy for you because you feel just right with what you have. I remember my mom saying that her mother always thought that her's were a curse because they were too big. My mom said that Grand Memere wished that she could've had breast reduction surgery but I don't think that option was available during her lifetime.
I'm glad that you and Jocelyn don't take after me (as far as breast sizes go)! Its important for you to be comfortable with your body. I did not feel comfortable with mine until just a couple of years ago when I realized that I was not getting any younger, that I could take care of my body to make it last a long time and that it could be a lot worse. Anyway, this is about you, not about me.
You are doing your research and I'm sure that you will come to the best conclusion for you.
(you know my stats already).
Love, Mom
Dearest Megan,
I know that you had your chemo today, and that at some point soon you will not be feeling "content". I am very glad that you were today. I am praying for a fast turnaround for you to feel "Strong" again. I like your new mood indicator.
I have also enjoyed reading your blog these past few weeks. I know more about bc (it does not hardly deserve to be spelled out nor does it deserve to be in you...) than I ever did before.
Maura, your pic is cool just curious about how you know that you will get cancer?.
Louise, if you jump up and down on a trampoline, they might jiggle a little bit... (love you bff)
Jocey, you are so bright and lovely. I thought that your "Vested" interest (was that a pun?) was nicely stated.
Pauline, thank you for sharing your daughter with us. She is lovely, intelligent sensitive and wise. I will pray for you all every day.
Shout Out to Kathy, How are you girl? (We graduated the same year from Stang.)
But enough about us....
Back to you Megan... (and Rusty) thank you for letting us in.
Love always...
Celine
P.S. Don't forget your "pink" tomorrow.
Celine,
Megan and I have the same great family history of breast cancer, including my mother who got breast cancer pre-menopause. Although I am not planning to get tested (yet), I assume I have the mutation as well.
Hi Maura,
You are gorgeous...Tell your mom that Louise sends kisses....
Megan, I enjoy reading your blog so much. It is nice to "hear" from you on a regular basis. Well since everyone else left their opinions, I thought I would leave mine as well. I have nursed 2 boys to the age of 2, and am currently nursing a daughter of 5 months with these DD/E!! Oh, MY! I am attached to them. I love my breasts, as does my husband. I feel empowered to know that they nourished and will hopefully continue to nourish my children. So my answer is simple, "off with them"!!! I agree with mom, and Auntie Celine, I love my life so much more. So this is coming from someone not so much older than you, with rather large tata's, they would be gone.
I am glad that you continue to run, I love running, and Jocey is right running would be much more comfortable. Easier than stuffing the ladies in 2 sports bras!!
You look great and I love seeing the pics. I hope that I did not offend you, this is JMO!! Good luck, with whatever you decision is. We love you, Jenn, Jesse, Noah, Aaron and Natalie.
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