N.E.D.
That stands for "No Evidence of Disease". It's a term that I've seen thrown around a lot in the online community for cancer patients and survivors. It's an accurate way to describe my situation, and many cancer "survivors". We don't know if we've been cured. Most likely, you never really know if you've been cured, at least not until you die of something else. I think doctors avoid using the word "cure" for that reason. They really can't look a patient in the eye and honestly tell them that they have been cured.
Today marks one year since I have finished cancer treatments, and there is no evidence of disease. Last year, on the day after Thanksgiving, I had my final radiation treatment. My muscles and tissue on my left side are still a little off - I know that's because of the radiation. I can't stretch as well there, and it's not as soft. That should gradually get better, but this may be as good as it gets. I guess I can live with that :-)
Sometimes I get sad, amazed, and emotional when I think about all I've been through, but I don't think about it as much anymore. At one point I couldn't go an hour without thinking about cancer. Then I couldn't go a day. It gets easier and easier to think of myself as a normal person. I still have very frequent check-ins with my oncologist, I have little to no estrogen in my body, and I still look at my naked chest and know it's not normal. However, it's now a normal part of life.
And, now, time for a Red Letter Year goal check-in:
1) Instead of running a marathon, I did a half marathon. I'm not upset about it. I am so proud of the 13.1 mile distance :-)
2) I am scheduled for surgery on January 11th for nipples. Yay! It is a little later than I'd hoped, but I'm okay with it. The longer I wait, the better it will look with respect to the radiated side.
3) I am SO going to wear a bikini in Jamaica in just about 2 weeks. I have been working so hard to be healthy, exercise a lot, and eat well. I think I am on track with a last minute push at the end. I can't wait!
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
2:41:36
Today I ran a half marathon in 2:41:36. I am tired, but happy :-)
I was kind of dreading today because I was afraid my knee was going to act up. As you may know, I've been training for a marathon, but I hurt my knee (I-T band syndrome). I saw a sports orthopedist, and I've been doing physical therapy for the last 7 weeks. It has been working slowly, but two weeks ago I attempted to do an 8 mile run and I failed miserably. At 6 miles, my knee hurt so badly I had to completely stop. I had this stabbing pain that came on suddenly. The experience really brought my confidence level way down. Add to that the fact that today was supposed to be a washout (according to the forecast a few days ago), and I was kind of down in the dumps about today.
BUT, it actually went really well. Although I didn't feel prepared because my last few long runs were pretty rough, I knew that this distance was something I could do. I've run close to this distance before, so mentally I knew I could do it. Also, the weather turned out to be pretty good. It was cloudy, but that meant the sun wasn't beating down on us. The temperature was about 60 degrees - not too warm and not too cold.
Terri and Rusty both ran with me for the first 6 or 7 miles. We were following the Galloway method (taking walk breaks) and keeping a pretty good pace. I popped an Aleve at mile 7.5, and I really didn't have much pain until the 10th mile. It started to hurt, but once I was that far, it was nothing I couldn't handle. Rusty broke away at the 8th mile or so (he runs much faster than me, and I don't mind if he goes ahead), but Terri stayed with me the whole way. I would have been just fine if she wanted to go ahead, but having her run with me kept me motivated. We skipped our last two walk breaks and crossed the finish line at the same time. My goal was to finish in under 3 hours, and I was really hoping to be done in under 2:45. We killed that goal!
It felt like such a great accomplishment. I'm so happy I did it. Along the way, our "athletic supporters" (Mom, Billy, Sarah, and Alex) were there to cheer us on. It was so motivating. They drove around during the race and came to see us every 3 or 4 miles. It made me so happy :-) At about mile 9, there was this large crowd of people with pink shirts cheering their runner. I looked at Terri and said "I'm just going to pretend they're my cheering section". Then I realized that our cheering section was right there with them! It was so awesome.
At the very end, I got really teary-eyed and it was hard to breathe. At 13 miles, I knew I was so close! It wasn't the goal I originally planned, but it still felt huge. My mom ran along with me, but we told her she had to slow down so she didn't beat me ;-) Terri and I crossed at the same time and it was done. We went to the beer tent to get our free beer (yum... we really only do races that have free beer) and then we grabbed some lunch and hung out in Hampton for a few hours. There was this cool bar above the boardwalk with an acoustic guitarist playing all kinds of classic rock songs - the kind of setlist where you know every song.
Ahh... It really was a great day. I have a couple of pictures from the event, but I hope to have more soon.
This is me and Rusty pre-race (still smiling):
This is Rusty at about 9 miles (he broke away from us a mile or two earlier):
I will probably have more soon, but for now I think I'm ready for bed!
I was kind of dreading today because I was afraid my knee was going to act up. As you may know, I've been training for a marathon, but I hurt my knee (I-T band syndrome). I saw a sports orthopedist, and I've been doing physical therapy for the last 7 weeks. It has been working slowly, but two weeks ago I attempted to do an 8 mile run and I failed miserably. At 6 miles, my knee hurt so badly I had to completely stop. I had this stabbing pain that came on suddenly. The experience really brought my confidence level way down. Add to that the fact that today was supposed to be a washout (according to the forecast a few days ago), and I was kind of down in the dumps about today.
BUT, it actually went really well. Although I didn't feel prepared because my last few long runs were pretty rough, I knew that this distance was something I could do. I've run close to this distance before, so mentally I knew I could do it. Also, the weather turned out to be pretty good. It was cloudy, but that meant the sun wasn't beating down on us. The temperature was about 60 degrees - not too warm and not too cold.
Terri and Rusty both ran with me for the first 6 or 7 miles. We were following the Galloway method (taking walk breaks) and keeping a pretty good pace. I popped an Aleve at mile 7.5, and I really didn't have much pain until the 10th mile. It started to hurt, but once I was that far, it was nothing I couldn't handle. Rusty broke away at the 8th mile or so (he runs much faster than me, and I don't mind if he goes ahead), but Terri stayed with me the whole way. I would have been just fine if she wanted to go ahead, but having her run with me kept me motivated. We skipped our last two walk breaks and crossed the finish line at the same time. My goal was to finish in under 3 hours, and I was really hoping to be done in under 2:45. We killed that goal!
It felt like such a great accomplishment. I'm so happy I did it. Along the way, our "athletic supporters" (Mom, Billy, Sarah, and Alex) were there to cheer us on. It was so motivating. They drove around during the race and came to see us every 3 or 4 miles. It made me so happy :-) At about mile 9, there was this large crowd of people with pink shirts cheering their runner. I looked at Terri and said "I'm just going to pretend they're my cheering section". Then I realized that our cheering section was right there with them! It was so awesome.
At the very end, I got really teary-eyed and it was hard to breathe. At 13 miles, I knew I was so close! It wasn't the goal I originally planned, but it still felt huge. My mom ran along with me, but we told her she had to slow down so she didn't beat me ;-) Terri and I crossed at the same time and it was done. We went to the beer tent to get our free beer (yum... we really only do races that have free beer) and then we grabbed some lunch and hung out in Hampton for a few hours. There was this cool bar above the boardwalk with an acoustic guitarist playing all kinds of classic rock songs - the kind of setlist where you know every song.
Ahh... It really was a great day. I have a couple of pictures from the event, but I hope to have more soon.
This is me and Rusty pre-race (still smiling):
This is Rusty at about 9 miles (he broke away from us a mile or two earlier):
I will probably have more soon, but for now I think I'm ready for bed!
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Ugh... Down AND Out
I discovered something today that my oncologist neglected to mention. The Zometa has knocked me down.
This morning I woke up with slight difficulty breathing. I sucked it up and continued on. I also started feeling some bone pain, sort of like how I felt after my Neulasta shot after chemo. Then came the muscle pain. I figured this was because of all the running I did in the last few days. But yoga didn't help (it was actually kind of painful). And then came the lightheaded feeling and the chills. I think there might be something wrong, no?
I went to my favorite breast cancer site, breastcancer.org and found that many woman complain of feeling like the flu for the first day or two after their Zometa shot. Others describe it as feeling "300". Not sure if that's 300 years or 300 pounds, but I definitely feel like I've swelled up a bit, too ;-)
Seriously, I feel like a big baby. It's one thing when you feel like shit after chemo. It's kind of to be expected. But right now, I feel like shit and I just ran my best 5k in over 3 years just two days ago. I'm supposed to be feeling great, dammit!
Luckily, I only have to take this once every 6 months. For women who've actually had bone metastases, they have to take this once a month. So it's not that bad. Just a little unexpected, I guess.
This morning I woke up with slight difficulty breathing. I sucked it up and continued on. I also started feeling some bone pain, sort of like how I felt after my Neulasta shot after chemo. Then came the muscle pain. I figured this was because of all the running I did in the last few days. But yoga didn't help (it was actually kind of painful). And then came the lightheaded feeling and the chills. I think there might be something wrong, no?
I went to my favorite breast cancer site, breastcancer.org and found that many woman complain of feeling like the flu for the first day or two after their Zometa shot. Others describe it as feeling "300". Not sure if that's 300 years or 300 pounds, but I definitely feel like I've swelled up a bit, too ;-)
Seriously, I feel like a big baby. It's one thing when you feel like shit after chemo. It's kind of to be expected. But right now, I feel like shit and I just ran my best 5k in over 3 years just two days ago. I'm supposed to be feeling great, dammit!
Luckily, I only have to take this once every 6 months. For women who've actually had bone metastases, they have to take this once a month. So it's not that bad. Just a little unexpected, I guess.
Monday, September 14, 2009
A Happy Accident
I went to see my oncologist today. I just saw him about a month ago. At that time, he brought up something that had been sort of lingering in the back of our minds. We needed to do something about my ovaries. He was actually disappointed that my ovaries seemed to be firing quite nicely and my periods had resumed. I was actually happy that my body had returned to normal.
The plan was to give me a drug that would prevent my ovaries from producing estrogen, called Zoladex. Since this would effectively put my body through menopause, there is a concern that it could cause osteoporosis, so my doctor scheduled me for a bone mineral density test so that we could monitor any changes.
Today, we were to review the results of my bone density test and discuss anything concerns we had with shutting down my ovaries. Surprisingly, my bone density was below average, to the point where I am considered osteopenic. Osteopenia is considered a precursor to osteoporosis. At first, I was a little upset by this. It's like a whole other thing I didn't think I had to worry about. Then my doctor explained some interesting results from a study that involved breast cancer patients who were also given a drug to help prevent osteoporosis.
In this particular study, the control group received a drug to prevent the ovaries from producing estrogen (just like me). The other group was also given a drug to prevent osteoporosis (also just like me). The women who received the osteoporosis drug were ONE THIRD less likely than the control group to have a recurrent cancer. This is pretty significant and the importance really can't be overstated.
Here is a link to an article about the study:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/12/health/research/12bone.html?em
I actually remember reading about this somewhat recently.
Now, what could be seen as bad news actually turned into something pretty positive. My doctor probably would not have decided to give me Zometa if I did not have bone density issues. My insurance company might not pay for it, and it's not yet considered the standard of care. But now I need it, so I get it.
Both drugs are administered at the oncology clinic. It was a little weird. We went back into the chemo area and sat in an infusion room. The nurse prepped me just like they did for chemo. This was much easier, though. The drip was only about 15 minutes long, compared to the hours I spent getting chemo. Then she informed me that the other injection was a little unpleasant. She told me that she didn't want to let me see the needle because it was pretty big. The Zoladex is like a seed that gets implanted in belly fat and releases over a month, so the delivery needle has to be big enough to contain the seed. Clearly this lady doesn't know me. She got me all scared for nothing. It was really no big deal at all.
And there it is. I will go through menopause. Again. But I had this happy accident of finding out that I have low bone density, which actually turns out to work in my favor.
Next time I can tell you all about my last meeting with my plastic surgeon. The surgery is January 11, by the way.
The plan was to give me a drug that would prevent my ovaries from producing estrogen, called Zoladex. Since this would effectively put my body through menopause, there is a concern that it could cause osteoporosis, so my doctor scheduled me for a bone mineral density test so that we could monitor any changes.
Today, we were to review the results of my bone density test and discuss anything concerns we had with shutting down my ovaries. Surprisingly, my bone density was below average, to the point where I am considered osteopenic. Osteopenia is considered a precursor to osteoporosis. At first, I was a little upset by this. It's like a whole other thing I didn't think I had to worry about. Then my doctor explained some interesting results from a study that involved breast cancer patients who were also given a drug to help prevent osteoporosis.
In this particular study, the control group received a drug to prevent the ovaries from producing estrogen (just like me). The other group was also given a drug to prevent osteoporosis (also just like me). The women who received the osteoporosis drug were ONE THIRD less likely than the control group to have a recurrent cancer. This is pretty significant and the importance really can't be overstated.
Here is a link to an article about the study:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/12/health/research/12bone.html?em
I actually remember reading about this somewhat recently.
Now, what could be seen as bad news actually turned into something pretty positive. My doctor probably would not have decided to give me Zometa if I did not have bone density issues. My insurance company might not pay for it, and it's not yet considered the standard of care. But now I need it, so I get it.
Both drugs are administered at the oncology clinic. It was a little weird. We went back into the chemo area and sat in an infusion room. The nurse prepped me just like they did for chemo. This was much easier, though. The drip was only about 15 minutes long, compared to the hours I spent getting chemo. Then she informed me that the other injection was a little unpleasant. She told me that she didn't want to let me see the needle because it was pretty big. The Zoladex is like a seed that gets implanted in belly fat and releases over a month, so the delivery needle has to be big enough to contain the seed. Clearly this lady doesn't know me. She got me all scared for nothing. It was really no big deal at all.
And there it is. I will go through menopause. Again. But I had this happy accident of finding out that I have low bone density, which actually turns out to work in my favor.
Next time I can tell you all about my last meeting with my plastic surgeon. The surgery is January 11, by the way.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Down, But Not Out
I thought I might give an update on my Red Letter Year.
It hasn't been going all that great.
The one thing I really wanted to do this year was a marathon. My hopes have faded. I hurt my knee during training and I just lost too much training time while it was recovering. Plus, I'm really slow at running. I mean really slow. So slow, I was pretty sure I wouldn't be finishing the marathon before they closed the course. That means I wouldn't get an official time. I don't know if it gets any worse than that - training for several months, running for six straight hours, and NOT getting an official recorded time. Six hours. Really.
Anyway, I decided to try a half marathon instead. My knee still hurts, but it's gotten a lot better. I feel like I have to have some sort of crowning achievement for all the hard work I've put in this year. I still want to do a marathon, but this was just not my year.
Next, is looking good in a bikini for our Jamaica trip in December. While I still think that goal is achievable, I need to really get my butt in gear on that one. I made that goal for myself about seven months ago. I've basically been stuck at a weight-loss plateau since then. I haven't gained anything and I haven't lost anything. Sure, it's been nice to fit into my old clothes (What's better than shopping for new clothes? Wearing old clothes!). But I do not have the confidence nor the abs to wear a bikini at the moment. I need to hold myself accountable to that goal. Really, I do.
And finally... new boobs. While I'm mostly there (I do have boobs, and they are no longer bloobs), I still really want to get nipple reconstruction. There's something very unsatisfying at looking in the mirror and seeing surgical scars and dog-eared edges covering my implants. I've done a little research and I've seen some darn good reconstructed nipples. I think it would really help me to feel whole again. Almost like if I squinted really hard, I could forget that they're not real. The problem is, it can take quite awhile to recover from nipple reconstruction (some patients that say they couldn't get their new nipples wet for a whole month!). And, unfortunately, I do not have that kind of recovery time this year. In the next few months I've got a trip to Jamaica, a Halloween festival in California to see Phish, and a half marathon.
So, it's a little disappointing, but what can I do? I can finish a half marathon (half of an ambitious goal). I can stay on plan and lose that last 15 pounds (really, I know I can). And, I can get over the nipples because the timing is all wrong and I'd rather see Phish anyway. And there's always next year. :-)
It hasn't been going all that great.
The one thing I really wanted to do this year was a marathon. My hopes have faded. I hurt my knee during training and I just lost too much training time while it was recovering. Plus, I'm really slow at running. I mean really slow. So slow, I was pretty sure I wouldn't be finishing the marathon before they closed the course. That means I wouldn't get an official time. I don't know if it gets any worse than that - training for several months, running for six straight hours, and NOT getting an official recorded time. Six hours. Really.
Anyway, I decided to try a half marathon instead. My knee still hurts, but it's gotten a lot better. I feel like I have to have some sort of crowning achievement for all the hard work I've put in this year. I still want to do a marathon, but this was just not my year.
Next, is looking good in a bikini for our Jamaica trip in December. While I still think that goal is achievable, I need to really get my butt in gear on that one. I made that goal for myself about seven months ago. I've basically been stuck at a weight-loss plateau since then. I haven't gained anything and I haven't lost anything. Sure, it's been nice to fit into my old clothes (What's better than shopping for new clothes? Wearing old clothes!). But I do not have the confidence nor the abs to wear a bikini at the moment. I need to hold myself accountable to that goal. Really, I do.
And finally... new boobs. While I'm mostly there (I do have boobs, and they are no longer bloobs), I still really want to get nipple reconstruction. There's something very unsatisfying at looking in the mirror and seeing surgical scars and dog-eared edges covering my implants. I've done a little research and I've seen some darn good reconstructed nipples. I think it would really help me to feel whole again. Almost like if I squinted really hard, I could forget that they're not real. The problem is, it can take quite awhile to recover from nipple reconstruction (some patients that say they couldn't get their new nipples wet for a whole month!). And, unfortunately, I do not have that kind of recovery time this year. In the next few months I've got a trip to Jamaica, a Halloween festival in California to see Phish, and a half marathon.
So, it's a little disappointing, but what can I do? I can finish a half marathon (half of an ambitious goal). I can stay on plan and lose that last 15 pounds (really, I know I can). And, I can get over the nipples because the timing is all wrong and I'd rather see Phish anyway. And there's always next year. :-)
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Bandages Off!
I felt like a car crash victim who hadn't seen her face for weeks. I was very curious to see what I would look like after the plastic surgeon took off the bandages at my post-surgery followup appointment. In my head, I knew that what it looked like would NOT be the final result. I've been reading about other people's experiences, and many say that it took months for the implants to take shape.
Still, I was underwhelmed.
As I told my dad, instead of "boobs" it looks like "bloobs" (half way between a blob and boobs). The bandages were tightly wrapped around my chest to limit swelling (versus putting in drains, thank goodness), but there was still a fair amount of swelling in my chest. I couldn't even wear my wedding ring for the first day or two because my entire body was a little bloated. There wasn't much definition, which doesn't seem to make much sense because there was plenty of mal-formed definiting with my tissue expanders, and the implants are the same size with even better shape.
Anyway, I decided to wait to blog because I didn't want to post anything so soon after my initial disappointing view. After a day, things have gotten much better. The swelling has gone down and the implants are taking shape. I know that it's going to get even better as time goes by.
Aside from that, I'm doing great. I stopped taking pain meds yesterday morning, and my whole body actually feels better than it did a week ago. I no longer have muscle pain in my upper back, and it feels like a weight has been lifted off of my chest. It's quite amazing how bad the expanders were, but I was so used to having them I didn't realize it.
All in all, I'm happy.
Still, I was underwhelmed.
As I told my dad, instead of "boobs" it looks like "bloobs" (half way between a blob and boobs). The bandages were tightly wrapped around my chest to limit swelling (versus putting in drains, thank goodness), but there was still a fair amount of swelling in my chest. I couldn't even wear my wedding ring for the first day or two because my entire body was a little bloated. There wasn't much definition, which doesn't seem to make much sense because there was plenty of mal-formed definiting with my tissue expanders, and the implants are the same size with even better shape.
Anyway, I decided to wait to blog because I didn't want to post anything so soon after my initial disappointing view. After a day, things have gotten much better. The swelling has gone down and the implants are taking shape. I know that it's going to get even better as time goes by.
Aside from that, I'm doing great. I stopped taking pain meds yesterday morning, and my whole body actually feels better than it did a week ago. I no longer have muscle pain in my upper back, and it feels like a weight has been lifted off of my chest. It's quite amazing how bad the expanders were, but I was so used to having them I didn't realize it.
All in all, I'm happy.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Post-surgery
Hello,
I just wanted to send a quick update to let everyone know I'm doing great. The plastic surgeon said he was happy with the surgery. I am all bandaged up and won't be able to see the results, however, until our followup appointment on Wednesday.
My right arm actually feels better than it did before I went in to surgery (it felt like the expander was pushing on a nerve, and since the implants are softer it makes sense that I would no longer have that problem).
The pain is not too bad - on my left side the surgeon had to do more "work" with the pocket, so it hurts a bit more but I am feeling pretty good. There's no doubt that I'm certainly doing a lot better than after the last surgery.
I will probably post again after my followup, but I just wanted to say hello in the meantime. Thanks for all the well wishes!
I just wanted to send a quick update to let everyone know I'm doing great. The plastic surgeon said he was happy with the surgery. I am all bandaged up and won't be able to see the results, however, until our followup appointment on Wednesday.
My right arm actually feels better than it did before I went in to surgery (it felt like the expander was pushing on a nerve, and since the implants are softer it makes sense that I would no longer have that problem).
The pain is not too bad - on my left side the surgeon had to do more "work" with the pocket, so it hurts a bit more but I am feeling pretty good. There's no doubt that I'm certainly doing a lot better than after the last surgery.
I will probably post again after my followup, but I just wanted to say hello in the meantime. Thanks for all the well wishes!
Monday, March 30, 2009
brief update
We just heard from the doctor a little while ago. All went as well as was expected and Megan is resting comfortably in a recovery room. She'll be there under observation for the next 1-2 hours and if she continues as expected we'll be able to bring her home then. Great news!
Dr. Belichick and the winning drive
I was fortunate enough to observe the genius Dr. Belichick draft another game winning play on Megan's chest, once again. I have a really good feeling about this play which began execution a little after 11:45 AM today. Here is Megan shortly before her plastic surgeon brought her back to the field for "kickoff".
Keep the champagne on ice and cue the duck boats. Tune in later for game highlights.
Keep the champagne on ice and cue the duck boats. Tune in later for game highlights.
Surgery today
Today I have surgery at about 11:45 AM to exchange my tissue expanders for permanent implants. I'm VERY READY.
Rusty will probably post an update from the hospital to let everyone know how it went. I can't wait!
Rusty will probably post an update from the hospital to let everyone know how it went. I can't wait!
Friday, March 20, 2009
Introducing...
Two new additions to the family. They are soft, cuddly, and like to be pet.
No, they are not my new boobs, they are my new kitties ;-)
My sister informed me yesterday that if someone was only reading my blog and didn't know me in real life, they wouldn't know that we recently got cats (except for the fact that I wrote about herding kittens yesterday). So, I thought I would post a little introduction and review our pre-op consult with the plastic surgeon. I had to tie the two in together somehow.
Poster Nutbag
Reba
We adopted the two little kitties in January (right after we got back from our New Years' trip to Chicago) from the Worcester Animal Rescue League shelter. They were about 6 months old, and although they aren't related, they were brought to the shelter around the same day. These two little bundles of joy have really made themselves at home in our house and I can no longer imagine our lives without them. I know, it's totally sappy and cheesy, but we don't have children so we have to have some sort of a substitute. :-)
Anyway, I had some basic pre-op testing today and a mini consult with my plastic surgeon. The surgery should be much easier than the last one. It's only expected to last two hours, and I don't have to stay overnight.
We also got to see real silicone implants today, and that was pretty neat. My surgeon explained how the implant works. I didn't realize this, but if you cut it with a knife, it's not liquid inside. It would keep its shape. It was nice and squishy - much better than the "turtle shells" I currently have residing under my pectoral muscles. They come in different profiles - small, mid, and high. We're going with "high" because the implant is going under my muscle and I don't really have much shape right now. When he described the difference, that sounded like it would give me the best-looking result.
He ordered 4 different sizes (anywhere from 400-650 CC's). During the surgery, he'll remove the tissue expanders and replace them with sterile sizers to determine which ones he ultimately wants to place. Then, he'll open the package for the right implant and voila! He will use the same incision as the last surgery to minimize the look of the scars, and since my radiated side is a little more contracted, he has to adjust the pocket a bit. That means cutting so that it more closely matches the other one. Right now my left side is higher than my right side (I'm pretty lopsided if you look closely) and a bit smaller. That should be fixed.
After the surgery, we'll have some followups, but everything should be fine unless we're not happy with the cosmetic result. Some time after that, I can choose to go for "nipple reconstruction." OOOOOH. :-) During a mastectomy they usually take the nipples, too (since it's breast tissue, and cancer can grow there). Most people don't know that or don't think of that. I haven't really decided what I'll do about that, yet, but it's not something that has to happen anytime soon. I'm just excited to be getting real fake boobs.
No, they are not my new boobs, they are my new kitties ;-)
My sister informed me yesterday that if someone was only reading my blog and didn't know me in real life, they wouldn't know that we recently got cats (except for the fact that I wrote about herding kittens yesterday). So, I thought I would post a little introduction and review our pre-op consult with the plastic surgeon. I had to tie the two in together somehow.
Poster Nutbag
RebaWe adopted the two little kitties in January (right after we got back from our New Years' trip to Chicago) from the Worcester Animal Rescue League shelter. They were about 6 months old, and although they aren't related, they were brought to the shelter around the same day. These two little bundles of joy have really made themselves at home in our house and I can no longer imagine our lives without them. I know, it's totally sappy and cheesy, but we don't have children so we have to have some sort of a substitute. :-)
Anyway, I had some basic pre-op testing today and a mini consult with my plastic surgeon. The surgery should be much easier than the last one. It's only expected to last two hours, and I don't have to stay overnight.
We also got to see real silicone implants today, and that was pretty neat. My surgeon explained how the implant works. I didn't realize this, but if you cut it with a knife, it's not liquid inside. It would keep its shape. It was nice and squishy - much better than the "turtle shells" I currently have residing under my pectoral muscles. They come in different profiles - small, mid, and high. We're going with "high" because the implant is going under my muscle and I don't really have much shape right now. When he described the difference, that sounded like it would give me the best-looking result.
He ordered 4 different sizes (anywhere from 400-650 CC's). During the surgery, he'll remove the tissue expanders and replace them with sterile sizers to determine which ones he ultimately wants to place. Then, he'll open the package for the right implant and voila! He will use the same incision as the last surgery to minimize the look of the scars, and since my radiated side is a little more contracted, he has to adjust the pocket a bit. That means cutting so that it more closely matches the other one. Right now my left side is higher than my right side (I'm pretty lopsided if you look closely) and a bit smaller. That should be fixed.
After the surgery, we'll have some followups, but everything should be fine unless we're not happy with the cosmetic result. Some time after that, I can choose to go for "nipple reconstruction." OOOOOH. :-) During a mastectomy they usually take the nipples, too (since it's breast tissue, and cancer can grow there). Most people don't know that or don't think of that. I haven't really decided what I'll do about that, yet, but it's not something that has to happen anytime soon. I'm just excited to be getting real fake boobs.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
New Boobs!
Hi everyone. I thought now was a good time to give an update, because I have a date for my next surgery. I'm supposed to be working from home today (and I AM, I swear...) but we have contractors installing new windows and doors and I've been having to corral the kitties away from where they're working. Ever heard the phrase, "it's like herding kittens"? Yeah, that's what I'm doing today ;-)
So, anyway, I've been enduring my tissue expander fills for the last couple of months. Each one has been worse than the previous one. A lot of people have asked me how I'm doing, and how it feels. Ugh, it's far worse than any muscle pain I've ever felt. Surprisingly, the chest area doesn't hurt the worst - it's my back that's really been hurting (probably because my shoulders are hunched to ease the stretching in my pectoral muscles).
Just as a refresher... I have inflatable implants underneath my chest muscles, with a metal port under my skin at the top of my breast mound. Every 3 weeks or so, I go to the plastic surgeon to get them filled. He uses a weird magnet thing to locate the port and pokes a needle through it. Then he puts anywhere between 35 and 80 cc's of fluid in the implant, until I start to feel pressure. My boobs literally grow before our eyes :-)
It doesn't hurt right away. After a few hours I start to feel a burning in my back/shoulder area. Then it feels all knotted and twisted. I have to sleep in a reclined position for the first night or so because sleeping flat on my back really hurts. Ever since the last 2 fills, I've been uncomfortable pretty much 24/7. At night, my arm goes dead (not quite numb, but it feels heavy and hurting). So, I wake up every so often to change positions (but there are not really many positions I can tolerate!). During the day, it's very difficult to use my arms to prop myself up. It's not difficult lifting things, but for some reason the motion of pushing up with my arms is pretty difficult.
My right side seems to hurt the most. This is really strange, because that's the side that wasn't radiated. It might be because the muscle is softer and more flexible, so it seems that the implant has shifted a bit toward the armpit area. Seriously, I feel so broken :-(
So, anyway, you can see why I have been VERY anxious to get these things out of me. During my last fill, my plastic surgeon said that we could schedule the surgery soon. A week later (which was just this past Tuesday), I spoke to his secretary and she informed me that he had a cancellation, and he would be ready to do the surgery on March 30th!!
I have my pre-op testing tomorrow. My doctor informed us that this surgery should go a lot more easily than the last one. It should only take about 2 hours (versus the 6+ hours of the last one!) and best of all, I won't even have to stay overnight! Woohoo! Therefore, I think my chances of contracting C. Diff again are probably much less. I've also read that a lot of women actually feel better soon after surgery because the "turtle-shell" expanders are gone and replaced with soft implants.
This one is coming up a lot more quickly than I expected, but I'm really happy about it. I was thinking about this the other day and I realized that between my diagnosis, treatment, and first round of reconstruction, it's been just under a year! Wow.
Note that I say "first round of reconstruction". I'll post more on what I mean by that later. After my meeting with the plastic surgeon tomorrow, I'll have a better idea of what the different stages will look like. But the most important part is happening in less than 2 weeks!
So, anyway, I've been enduring my tissue expander fills for the last couple of months. Each one has been worse than the previous one. A lot of people have asked me how I'm doing, and how it feels. Ugh, it's far worse than any muscle pain I've ever felt. Surprisingly, the chest area doesn't hurt the worst - it's my back that's really been hurting (probably because my shoulders are hunched to ease the stretching in my pectoral muscles).
Just as a refresher... I have inflatable implants underneath my chest muscles, with a metal port under my skin at the top of my breast mound. Every 3 weeks or so, I go to the plastic surgeon to get them filled. He uses a weird magnet thing to locate the port and pokes a needle through it. Then he puts anywhere between 35 and 80 cc's of fluid in the implant, until I start to feel pressure. My boobs literally grow before our eyes :-)
It doesn't hurt right away. After a few hours I start to feel a burning in my back/shoulder area. Then it feels all knotted and twisted. I have to sleep in a reclined position for the first night or so because sleeping flat on my back really hurts. Ever since the last 2 fills, I've been uncomfortable pretty much 24/7. At night, my arm goes dead (not quite numb, but it feels heavy and hurting). So, I wake up every so often to change positions (but there are not really many positions I can tolerate!). During the day, it's very difficult to use my arms to prop myself up. It's not difficult lifting things, but for some reason the motion of pushing up with my arms is pretty difficult.
My right side seems to hurt the most. This is really strange, because that's the side that wasn't radiated. It might be because the muscle is softer and more flexible, so it seems that the implant has shifted a bit toward the armpit area. Seriously, I feel so broken :-(
So, anyway, you can see why I have been VERY anxious to get these things out of me. During my last fill, my plastic surgeon said that we could schedule the surgery soon. A week later (which was just this past Tuesday), I spoke to his secretary and she informed me that he had a cancellation, and he would be ready to do the surgery on March 30th!!
I have my pre-op testing tomorrow. My doctor informed us that this surgery should go a lot more easily than the last one. It should only take about 2 hours (versus the 6+ hours of the last one!) and best of all, I won't even have to stay overnight! Woohoo! Therefore, I think my chances of contracting C. Diff again are probably much less. I've also read that a lot of women actually feel better soon after surgery because the "turtle-shell" expanders are gone and replaced with soft implants.
This one is coming up a lot more quickly than I expected, but I'm really happy about it. I was thinking about this the other day and I realized that between my diagnosis, treatment, and first round of reconstruction, it's been just under a year! Wow.
Note that I say "first round of reconstruction". I'll post more on what I mean by that later. After my meeting with the plastic surgeon tomorrow, I'll have a better idea of what the different stages will look like. But the most important part is happening in less than 2 weeks!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Red Letter Year
It's a little late for a New Year's post, but I've been extra special busy this year.
Expect blog posts to be infrequent from now on. You know why? I don't have cancer anymore. It seems weird to continue to keep writing about it.
So, a few weeks back I noticed a lot of red around me. I have a beautiful set of mittens and a scarf in matching red that Jocelyn knit me. I also recently knit my first project - a red hat with red beads. My sister-in-law gave me a red handbag for Christmas that I absolutely love and use every day. And then there was the new Ani DiFranco CD I recently bought, Red Letter Year. I've decided that this will be my Red Letter Year.
Red is the new Pink. Pink is so last year. Red is an amped-up version of Pink. Pink is for breast cancer and Red is for not breast cancer. Pink will always be special to me, but I'm happy with Red.
When I was celebrating the New Year in Chicago this year, I also felt like I was celebrating my new year. It's my year. It's my year to be able to take control of my life and move past cancer. I no longer feel like a cancer patient. I just feel normal. Sure, I wish my hair was longer. I wish I had real boobs. I wish I could do a Chattarunga in yoga class (I can't because I should never lift my body weight with my arms... ever again). But these things will get easier over time, and there are so many other things I can do, that it really doesn't make sense to waste time thinking about what I can't.
So, what have I decided to do for my Red Letter Year? In no particular order, these are the things I want to accomplish:
- Get "real boobs". Well, real fake ones, at least.
- Use my passport for the first time. Rusty and I are planning to go to Jamaica in December.
- Lose my financial advisor poundage (and more), and wear a bikini for the first time in my life (in Jamaica). I'm half way there. I can see cheekbones for the first time in a looong time :-)
- Run the Chicago Marathon on October 11, 2009. Rusty and I are currently training for this.
These things are not New Years resolutions. You know... the things you say you're going to do in the first week of January but forget about by Groundhog Day. Aside from the boobs, these are things I always wanted to do. But I've come to realize that goals don't happen to you (cancer, on the other hand, happens to you). Goals never really meant much to me until recently, but now I get it. Goals are things that you have to really really believe in - something you are compelled to do. They have to be your own, or you won't be willing to put in the hard work and effort it takes to meet them.
Anyway, what are your goals? Is this your Red Letter Year?
Expect blog posts to be infrequent from now on. You know why? I don't have cancer anymore. It seems weird to continue to keep writing about it.
So, a few weeks back I noticed a lot of red around me. I have a beautiful set of mittens and a scarf in matching red that Jocelyn knit me. I also recently knit my first project - a red hat with red beads. My sister-in-law gave me a red handbag for Christmas that I absolutely love and use every day. And then there was the new Ani DiFranco CD I recently bought, Red Letter Year. I've decided that this will be my Red Letter Year.
Red is the new Pink. Pink is so last year. Red is an amped-up version of Pink. Pink is for breast cancer and Red is for not breast cancer. Pink will always be special to me, but I'm happy with Red.
When I was celebrating the New Year in Chicago this year, I also felt like I was celebrating my new year. It's my year. It's my year to be able to take control of my life and move past cancer. I no longer feel like a cancer patient. I just feel normal. Sure, I wish my hair was longer. I wish I had real boobs. I wish I could do a Chattarunga in yoga class (I can't because I should never lift my body weight with my arms... ever again). But these things will get easier over time, and there are so many other things I can do, that it really doesn't make sense to waste time thinking about what I can't.
So, what have I decided to do for my Red Letter Year? In no particular order, these are the things I want to accomplish:
- Get "real boobs". Well, real fake ones, at least.
- Use my passport for the first time. Rusty and I are planning to go to Jamaica in December.
- Lose my financial advisor poundage (and more), and wear a bikini for the first time in my life (in Jamaica). I'm half way there. I can see cheekbones for the first time in a looong time :-)
- Run the Chicago Marathon on October 11, 2009. Rusty and I are currently training for this.
These things are not New Years resolutions. You know... the things you say you're going to do in the first week of January but forget about by Groundhog Day. Aside from the boobs, these are things I always wanted to do. But I've come to realize that goals don't happen to you (cancer, on the other hand, happens to you). Goals never really meant much to me until recently, but now I get it. Goals are things that you have to really really believe in - something you are compelled to do. They have to be your own, or you won't be willing to put in the hard work and effort it takes to meet them.
Anyway, what are your goals? Is this your Red Letter Year?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)