Hi!

I couldn't think of a good subject for today's post, because I don't really have a theme or a story to relay. Usually, when I send an e-mail to a friend with no purpose, I use a subject of "Hi!" so I figured that would be appropriate.

So much has happened in the last week and a half, and there were several times that I thought something would be really funny to write in the blog, but I was in no mood to be in front of a laptop. I finally feel like things are getting back to normal (as normal as things can be with two tubes and grenade-shaped pouches coming out of my sides). I thought today would be a good day to share some random tidbits from the last couple of weeks.

~ My Boob Casts ~

A couple of weeks ago, remember how I relayed my idea for how to "remember" my boobs? Well, I did it! Rusty and I made two casts of my upper torso area. Some may think that this is weird (and you're welcome to have that opinion), but once the idea was in my head I would never forgive myself if I didn't do this.

When I was in high school, one of the art projects I completed in my senior year art class was a mask. It used basically the exact same procedure and materials as my boob cast, so I was pretty sure it would work well. I did a little googling to refresh my memory, and I found that this is actually a somewhat common project for expectant mothers (except they cast their whole belly, obviously). As neat as that sounds, let's just say I'm not planning to make a cast of my tummy any time soon ;-)

Anyway, Rusty and I began our little art project in the kitchen by placing an old vinyl shower curtain on the floor (it can be a bit messy!). I then put a good slap of Crisco over my skin to prevent the plaster from sticking (imagine pulling dried plaster off your nipples - ouch!). Previously, I purchased a 20 lb. box of gauze strips coated in Plaster of Paris (I can probably make a DOZEN extra casts out of this box). The basic idea is to dip the strips in warm water and place them on the "subject" criss-crossing in multiple layers. After about 30 minutes from the time the first strip is placed, the cast pulls away from the skin and is ready to be removed. Over the next week, it cures, and I will probably coat it with some kind of lacquer and decorate it at some point.

Here is the result:


I hope this doesn't bother you (but it doesn't bother me). Besides, it's not like you're looking at my boobs. Right now I have no boobs. ;-)

~ My Husband ~

Not that I didn't expect this... but throughout this whole wild ride, Rusty has been a true gem. He has worn many hats - cook, cheerleader, chauffeur, personal assistant, blogger, maid, gardener, and nagger (when it's time to eat and I have no appetite), just to name a few. He has had to do virtually everything for me thus far, and he doesn't complain. More importantly, he also is very good at doing all of these things - he doesn't get grossed out when it's time to empty the drains or change the dressings. He also doesn't flinch when we look at my incisions to make sure they're healing properly.

One thing that's kind of cute is he gets mad when my eating schedule gets messed up, so he tries to reserve the right to refuse when people come over, lest they hang around past meal time.

As I'm writing about him, I keep coming up with things he does that should fall under other headings. I could write this entire blog post about all the things he's done, but I guess the best way to do this is just to write about him everywhere :-) He really is a total sweetheart.

~ My Garden ~

One thing I really regret about being in recovery at this particular moment is that my garden is currently exploding with tomatoes and peppers. Normally, this would probably be the weekend when I make "Grandpa's Salsa". It's an all-day affair where I would harvest all of the ripe tomatoes and peppers, chopping about a gallon (YES, a gallon) of tomatoes and about 4-6 cups of hot peppers and make this yummy delicious salsa that gets canned and processed and stored in my basement so I can enjoy the garden all year 'round. My friend Sarah gave me this recipe a few years back. It's her grandfather's salsa and it's the best I've ever had.

Anyway, unfortunately, this isn't going to happen this year. BUT, instead of letting the tomatoes rot on the vine, Rusty has been diligently going outside daily to harvest them. BTW, when I'm ready for visitors again, if you see a bowlful of tomatoes and peppers and you want them, PLEASE TAKE SOME! Here is what Rusty harvested over the last couple of days:


We also happen to have an explosion of hops. Taking care of these is a very tedious process (I should know, last year Rusty was away and I had to do this by myself!). The hops need to be trimmed from the vine (they kind of grow like grapes, I guess, but you can't trim them off in bunches) and then slowly dried in the oven. Rusty took care of one of the plants yesterday, and then did the other three today. Here is a pile of un-dried hops:


And here they are after they've been dried and bagged:


I simply cannot wait until we're ready to brew again. Hell, I'd settle for just drinking beer at this point... ;-)

~ My Poopy Problems ~

Anyone who works with me will probably laugh at that heading. I used to have the reputation of being totally intolerant of potty humor (maybe this comes from marrying a man who lived in a fraternity throughout college - I think I heard a lifetime's worth of potty humor in about 4 years). Well, when you encounter everything I have over the last 5 months, you learn really quickly that it does you no good to be embarrassed about the body. You meet countless doctors that want to touch your boobs and talk about them and what you're going to do with them. You sit in a chair with a needle in your arm as a chemo nurse talks about how you may need both a laxative and an anti-diarrhea medication over the next four months. You get hot flashes just about anywhere (boy am I glad THAT's over). Etc, etc.

So, anyway, last week's digestive issues were absolutely awful. I can honestly say that what I endured was worse than chemo. Really. I had sporadic and intense abdominal cramping that was so miserable. I couldn't even sleep through an entire night. And poor Rusty. I can only imagine how helpless he felt as I sat there with frequent abdominal pain, no appetite, and a grimace on my face. (One of the symptoms of C-Dif is loss of appetite or anorexia.) Let me tell you - when I don't want to eat, there is definitely something wrong. He tried to make me eat something, and he was more than willing to prepare anything I wanted to eat if it appealed to me.

On Friday, when I took the first dose of the antibiotic, I told myself that I wanted to start feeling better by today (Sunday). That may sound ridiculous, but it gave me a sense of control over how I felt. I set a goal for myself, just like anything else. To my surprise, I was already doing better by Saturday morning. I slept the entire previous night without having to get up to go to the bathroom (the previous night I had woken up 4 times, which was an improvement over the 10-12 times the night before - I am NOT exaggerating). Today, I'm back eating solid food and I even have a craving for Chinese takeout, which we'll have tonight. Yay!!!!

I also eat lots of yogurt so that my digestive tract can be repopulated with good bacteria to restore order (it's also essential to keep the C-Dif in check to prevent a recurrence). When I'm feeling silly, I give the bacteria a pep talk. Oh yes, it's crazy, but think about it - these are living things I'm digesting and these living things have an important job ahead of them.

~ What Lies Ahead ~

For the short term, I've got a few appointments next week with the plastic surgeon to remove the drains, and with Mr. Wizard to review my progress and to go over the pathology results of the surgery. I already know the size of the tumor, and I know that there were 3 of 11 nodes positive. (I'll write more about that after we have a chance to discuss this with Mr. Wizard.) Before radiation begins, the plastic surgeon is going to inflate the tissue expanders as much as possible to stretch my muscles and skin for the implants. So, over the next month, I'll be like a 13 year-old going through puberty. This is easier said than done - based on how I feel now, I can only imagine the discomfort involved. This has to be done at a pace that I can tolerate. I also have a meeting with The Zapper at the end of September to go over the course of treatment for radiation. Then, 3-6 months after radiation, I'll have the implants put in.

And I think that's about it for today. Oh, actually, two funny things I thought of as I was finishing this off...

My visiting nurse got a real kick out of me the other day as I jokingly read the warnings on my newest prescription to get rid of the C-dif. "Do not take while breastfeeding". ;-)

Also, I got a card from Rusty's parents that made me LMAO (for Grandma - Laugh My heAd Off, sort of). It reads "Get Well Soon! ... the entire beer industry is counting on you!)". Unfortunately, I am not allowed to drink until the antibiotics are done. Sigh. Just when I feel good enough for a beer, I have to wait 8 days to have one!! You should all have one (or two...) for me. :-)

Smile When You Feel Pain!!!

Don't worry, that title doesn't mean what you think it does. I'm not in pain. Today was the BEST day I've had in a loooong time. Why? Everything. There wasn't one thing that made it a great day, just lots of little things.

It actually started during the weekend. This was supposed to be my "swan song", if you will. Rusty and I planned to do all sorts of fun things that we couldn't do when I was recovering. And we did. I can't possibly focus on every great thing I did because I'd be writing this post forever. But, I'll give a quick rundown...

- Brimfield with Sarah. It was vintage. I don't think we've done the Brimfield trip like that in a few years. My legs are still sore from walking all day. It was delightful.

- Dinner with Rusty's parents on Saturday evening. They came all the way from Maine just to see us. It was so relaxed. The food was great, the company was even better, and they gave me the most thoughtful and delightful basket full of all kinds of goodies that I'll use when I'm recovering from surgery.

- Fabric shopping.

- Making chili.

- Boob Cast x 2 (more about that later).

- Going to the movies.

Rusty and I went to see Dark Knight (I know, we're a bit behind the curve on that one). The movie theater has a full bar where you can also get food. We had some beer and some appetizers and we were enjoying ourselves, except the bartender was a little nosy. You could tell he had nothing better to do but listen to us talk and try to interject every once in awhile (we were the only people there). Okay, you can only resist that for so long, so we gave in. We started talking to him a bit and he told us how he was finishing up college and he was studying computers. He was hoping to finish soon. He was getting a discount on the tuition because his mom worked at the college but she may have to quit her job soon because she was going through breast cancer treatment.

Wow.

It turns out she has the same surgeon, probably the same oncologist, and by my calculations she probably was diagnosed around the same time as me. It was weird, but somehow it comforted me. Instead of being mad like I usually am when someone stops me in the grocery store or Staples to talk to me about cancer, I was oddly serene and happy about the whole thing. Anyway, the movie was great.

Now, onto today. Today was very difficult at work. I couldn't focus on anything. I was very distracted and I was trying to wrap things up as best I could. I stayed a little late because I had Pilates class today (my last class for a long time) and the timing works out so that I leave work between 6:00 and 6:30 and get to the class in Worcester around 7:15. Around 5:45 the phone started ringing. And ringing.

One sister, two friends, two aunts, two grandmothers, and a partridge in a pear tree. :-) Not that I'm complaining. Everyone is wishing me well for my surgery. Every time someone calls me it makes me smile. I know it sounds corny, but it really does make me feel so special.

So, tonight was my last Pilates class. Right after I finished chemo, I started doing Pilates again (I stopped basically right after I got diagnosed, which was probably a mistake, but I know I definitely did not have the energy to do it all through chemo). It's really helped me build up my strength, establish a workout routine, and feel like I'm really getting healthy. I absolutely love it love it love it.

Anyway, I don't want my Pilates teacher to worry about me, so I decided to tell her at the end of class that this would be my last class for quite some time. I told her that I was going for a mastectomy and she gave me a big hug and wanted to get my contact info. Until this day, my Pilates teacher of 8 months-ish didn't even know my name. Now she wants to give me a Pilates DVD for breast cancer patients and visit me after I'm feeling better. Wow! It was awesome. I told her how important her class was for me me and my recovery and how my core strength is going to be really important after surgery (it's true... I read it on the internet).

The best part was when she told me that I was inspiring to her because every time she looked at me I was smiling. I laughed and reminded her that's because she always says, "Smile when you feel pain!"

Anyway, I have let go quite a bit and things have been really good. Tomorrow, the hospital is supposed to tell me when my surgery is going to be on Wednesday. I will post it when I know. I've arranged for Rusty to guest blog on the day of the surgery, so everyone can get an update. I appreciate everyone's good thoughts and well wishes, and everything. Really.

Be Careful What You Wish For...

I'm not sure if I've used that title before, but that sure sounds good. Before I get to the meat of the story, I just wanted to say that about a month ago, I was playing with the settings on my blog and I enabled anonymous commenting. What does that mean to you? Well, a few of you have mentioned that you weren't able to set things up to reply to blog posts, so hopefully this should make it easier for you. Sorry it took me so long. And please don't say mean things anonymously. ;-)

Anyway, so on to the title of this blog post... well, my friend Christina was saying that she has been disappointed that I haven't blogged in awhile (she even remembered the date of my last post!). So, I decided that I would get off my non-blogging butt and write something. Sorry, Christina, I hope you're not mad. Now you get to be the subject of the post... :-)

Every year, Rusty and I throw a Labor-Free Labor Day Party on the Sunday of Labor Day weekend. It's the perfect day to have it because we have one day to prepare for it and one day to clean up after it (though sometimes I feel like I could use a whole week to clean up after it). Anyway, this year it was kind of tough, because as you probably know it took forever to get a date for the surgery. I didn't want to invite everyone over if I was going to be recovering, but we were afraid that if we waited until the last minute, someone else would have a party.

But, it was totally out of our control and that's exactly what happened. One of Rusty's fraternity brothers had a party at his home in Rhode Island from Sunday to Monday of Labor Day weekend. This was kind of a blessing, because I wasn't really up for hosting 40+ people this year (which is about how many people we can expect to show up at various points during the day). So, we did have a much smaller party with close friends. If you didn't get invited I apologize. But just think, if you got invited I might be spending this blog post teasing you. :-)

So, anyway, one of the families we invited was Christina, her husband, and their two children. I spoke to her a couple of days before the party just to make sure she knew that her children were welcome to come, and I was looking forward to seeing them at the party. Then came the day of the party. I was kind of surprised when they didn't show by 3 or 4 o'clock, then at one point I realized it was 9 o'clock at night (yes, I do remember 9 o'clock at night) and they never came. I was a little disappointed but I figured that it was such a nice day they maybe decided to do something else with their children that day.

The next morning after I finally got out of bed, Rusty and I went out for breakfast and came back to take on the task of the Big Cleanup. Honestly, it wasn't that bad because Rusty cleaned up most of it the night before, but there was still a bit left to do. We were carrying a few things inside, when Rusty said,

"Hey, is that Christina?"

It took me a few seconds to get it, but he said "Oh, this is funny." They were getting out of the car, and then Rusty and I just started laughing. I yelled from the back yard,

"You guys realize our party was yesterday, right?"

I think they initially thought we were kidding. It was rather amusing. That's never happened to me before, but I can kind of see how it could happen. It was a Labor Day party, after all, and it wasn't exactly on Labor Day. We had a good laugh. Actually, we laughed for quite some time.

It's not exactly close for them, so they couldn't just say "oops, my bad" and go home. Well, we wouldn't let them do that, anyway. I couldn't imagine them coming all this way and then turning around and going back. So we had some lunch (BTW, the bread was awesome!), hung out and chatted for a couple of hours, and then they went home. As it is, I told them we would never have been able to enjoy their company as much at the actual party because there are SO many people to talk to and mingle with and I'm so bad at doing that anyway.

Christina did say that she wanted me to tell everyone that she didn't just blow us all off, so I figured I could kill two birds with one stone... She did complain that I hadn't written in awhile (check!) and she did want me to tell everyone that was at the party (check!). And now there's a little bit of public humiliation thrown in for good measure :-)

On a completely separate topic, I think I/we have decided how to say goodbye to my boobs. I've decided to participate as a dancer in an amateur night at a strip club.

JUST KIDDING :-) I think my mom just had a heart attack. My grandma probably did, too.

Anyway, it was Rusty's idea, but it was actually something I've also been thinking about. Back when I was in high school, one of my art projects was to make a Plaster of Paris cast of my face. I'm going to cast my boobs! This is way better than pictures because I'll always have a three-dimensional representation of them. I ordered the supplies, and hopefully I'll have it for this weekend. I don't really want to wait until the last day to do it.

So, thanks for reading, and I hope you're not mad, Christina.